I'm uncertain about this

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by darkgirlforever, Jun 13, 2012.

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  1. darkgirlforever

    darkgirlforever Active Member

    When i was in eighth grade i had an in class experience that sort of confused me and i would like to know what other people think. Ok so i was in science class one day and i was partnered up with a boy and a girl who were friends. We were in the middle of thinking about ideas for this project when the guy and girl i was working with started talking about some other subject so i was just sitting there thinking and listening. Then the guy in the group just started poking me in the arm just to tease me and stuff which didn't bother me at first because he was just that type of person. Soon he moved his hand under the table and attempted to put his hand between my legs. I say attempted because i obviously closed my legs really tight so he could get no farther but he still managed to get his hand into an uncomfortable area. I told him to stop and he wouldn't both him and the other girl were laughing and i was so embarrassed. This event has bothered me for some time because i don't know if i over reacted or what. He did not put his hand underneath my clothes although he tried to. After this happened i ran to tell my friend because it bothered me but i was so embarrassed so i did not tell anyone else. Did he do something wrong and was this a type of assault or am i just being a drama queen ?
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm so sorry that happened to you :( No, you aren't being a drama queen---no one should touch you anywhere you don't feel comfortable with, or do anything to you that you don't want done. You don't need to be embarrassed...that guy is the one who did the wrong thing, so you shouldn't feel ashamed or anything like that.
  3. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    what he did was not cool. i think he was a big joker.
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    He was definitely in the wrong, but he may not have known that what he was doing was inappropriate. A lot of guys do stupid things at that age because they don't know any better. But you're definitely not being a drama queen, that kind of touching should never take place without a person's consent.
  5. ellorian

    ellorian Well-Known Member

    I am going to state it more bluntly than any of the three (very accurate I believe) posters above me have - that was a sexual assault. The guy could have been suspended or expelled, indeed depending on the jurisdiction he could have ended up dealing with the police. Now, I suspect his inspiration was power not sexuality - and I say that because you state he was laughing with the girl. It was bullying, but the vehicle he chose was a sexual one. You are not overreacting, and I can tell you that first hand.

    When I was about the same age I experienced similar (though in some ways precisely the opposite) assaults. I am male and in my youth and teens I was an extremely shy and easily embarrassed nerd who was bullied in various (mostly but not solely verbal) ways by his peers. One such form of bullying took place during English classes over a period of a few months every time the teacher walked out of the room. Seats, while not assigned on a mandatory basis, always ended up with the same people sat in the same locations. Opposite me (we sat at groups of tables with about 8 people sat around each group) were 3 girls. Every time the teacher would leave the room 3 pens would disappear under the table (so they would have an "excuse" if caught not at their seats) and those three girls would follow them. At this point I would be blushing furiouisly and skating backwards attempting to avoid their groping hands - and you know what they were groping. So yes, I know first hand how much that hurts you - though of course I cannot know your pain exactly. Eventually my harassment stopped - one girl stopped when I dared enough to talk to her and she was actually surprised about how much it hurt (she and I even became "friends" to a small degree), one stopped as she was mostly acting as a sheep to the first girl, and the third only stopped when another girl in class encouraged me to turn the tables and make her think she had pushed me too far. I am not proud of that, but survival in such a situation is everything.

    I tell my tale not to detract from yours, not to garner sympathy for myself, but to show you that your reactions make a lot of sense and the abuse you took was exactly that - abuse and assault. The guy was in the wrong and while he might not have known exactly what he was doing (in 8th grade I suspect he had SOME idea) it seems evident he was doing it to gain a laugh by the impact of his assault. Please understand that such situations are always and entirely the fault of the perpetrator, not the victim. You were not wrong.
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