I'm useless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Thisgirl87, Mar 20, 2013.

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  1. Thisgirl87

    Thisgirl87 New Member

    I don't know if I'm in the beginning or mid stages of a mental breakdown. Last night, with all emotion aside, I actually sat in bed and logically considered things such as suicide, stripping for money, or checking myself into a psyche ward.

    Since childhood, my social awkwardness (a result from aspergers, gynophobia, lack of a relationship with my mother, being abused verbally, mentally, and physically by my sister as a kid, whatever you want to consider) has always acted as a hinderance to various aspects of my life. And throughout my transition into adulthood, it has allowed my work, education and social life to suffer, therefore leading to failure in each category. My anti-social behavior and lack of communication has pushed everyone from teachers, friends, employers, and colleagues away.

    Im not good at anything really. I'm always late to everything. I hate getting out of bed. I can't make friends. Im honestly not very smart. And I can't ever finish anything I start. I don't know what would be a good career for me to consider. I feel like there's nothing left for me in this world. Suicide has to be the only thing left for me. My existence is useless.

    I feel like I want and need help but don't have the means to do it. I have no money, no medical benefits, and I do not want to hinder my friends and family with my perpetual problems. I just don't know what to do.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2013
  2. DepletedOne

    DepletedOne Member

    The only advice I can give you is the advice I give myself everyday: just keep on, keeping on.

    I've been able to move away from hang-ups, achieve some level of personal success and even friends by just continuing one more minute, one more hour, one more day.

    The rewards for endurance sometimes seem so few and far between. But, the rewards have been super important and carry me through – they make it worth while.

    Even talking with folks here has been a huge help. Focusing on others besides myself kind of keeps my world in focus too. So, join in. We're all here because we know there is something better than what we are currently living and we want to get there ourselves.
  3. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    I find it hard to believe you're "not very smart" - the person who wrote that post comes across as pretty damned intelligent.

    I'm somewhat in the same boat as you (except for the late thing lol). I hate life. I hate being around people right now. Nothing has went right for me and I'm at the point now where I give up. I'm probably older than you though so I've been suffering longer. You checked in a ward - I could never get the guts to do that. So you're a far better person than I. I think you have a lot of potential for great things to happen. Don't give up.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am not sure if you live in the US, but there are many services for people with ASD as adults...career counselors are quite good at assessing what may be best, and you can also take courses online in various fields to see what would suit you...I have always been different, myself, too smart at some things, so awful at others...finding something that is good for you, be it working with animals, expressing yourself through art or photography, something that is yours makes all the difference...please keep posting and know many people here have experienced very similar things...with caring
  5. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Wow, I have to agree with the comment that from your writing, you sound very intelligent and well spoken. I would be proud to have someone as smart and insightful as you as a a friend.

    I would encourage looking into what sort of free counseling you might be eligible for. There is no way that you are useless. You just need the right sort of help to get you moving towards a happier life for yourself.
  6. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Hang in there. Because you have analysed yourself, you will survive and propser. You are intelligent. You will overcome all issues and move on and prosper.
  7. puella1972

    puella1972 New Member

    If it were me. I wouldn't want a bunch of folks stroking me to keep me going. If you have a body that allows you to strip, strip. Really, who in this day and age will judge you for using a genetic gift. You know who should be judged for the stripping industry.. the dudes who pay to watch it.

    You are not dumb, that's obvious. You might not get on with folks, you can decide to change that if you want. Trust me.. everyone loves me, and I am not a nice person on the inside.

    I would guess you need to make some decisions about your actual worth (or perhaps your potential actual worth) and what the loss of you would incur.
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