I don't know if I'm in the beginning or mid stages of a mental breakdown. Last night, with all emotion aside, I actually sat in bed and logically considered things such as suicide, stripping for money, or checking myself into a psyche ward. Since childhood, my social awkwardness (a result from aspergers, gynophobia, lack of a relationship with my mother, being abused verbally, mentally, and physically by my sister as a kid, whatever you want to consider) has always acted as a hinderance to various aspects of my life. And throughout my transition into adulthood, it has allowed my work, education and social life to suffer, therefore leading to failure in each category. My anti-social behavior and lack of communication has pushed everyone from teachers, friends, employers, and colleagues away. Im not good at anything really. I'm always late to everything. I hate getting out of bed. I can't make friends. Im honestly not very smart. And I can't ever finish anything I start. I don't know what would be a good career for me to consider. I feel like there's nothing left for me in this world. Suicide has to be the only thing left for me. My existence is useless. I feel like I want and need help but don't have the means to do it. I have no money, no medical benefits, and I do not want to hinder my friends and family with my perpetual problems. I just don't know what to do.