im very confused and scared

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by firehawk1, Dec 27, 2009.

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  1. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    ive never ever been like this in my life but im lost.
    I've always been a positive person, have moral and ethical values, very well educated, a professional with multiple careers and awards and have my own company.

    I always believe in improving yourself for the better especially via reflection and constructive criticism, to take a different approach in things, a more positive approach in anything.

    I met the love of my life last year. was absolutely great and I did alot for her and then unfortunately this year, it came crashing down for something I did not even do originally.

    To cut the long story short, she has put me in ALOT of trouble with the law. I have a clean record, never had any involvement or contact with the law/police.

    its now heading to the courts.

    the whole proceduring and accusation is scary. very scary and I am a destroyed person. I even fear of stepping outside my own apartment because of this allegation/accusation.

    sure, we had a rough patch but you resolve it together and not be like the typical people that exist where they shout, scream, make a big commosion and so on however, she decided to play/act up and let her friends interfere.

    anyway, i just dont know what to do. I mean, I am not guilty to the 2 counts of assault they have charged me with but I just cannot go through with the whole thing and would plea guilty to the offer they law has made because:

    1) the reason for this plea is because they know that the other charge is weak
    2) what if I get found guilty? punishment is much harsher than pleading guilty earlier on.
    3) its nerve wrecking to even just be in the court room and I just cannot go through with it.

    But I havent done anything wrong. It seems as if (no disrespect) that women get the upper hand in law.
    she has been involved in abusive relationships before but I was the only one that was different, according to her and I know this too myself.

    I had bailed her out from an eviction that was going to take place
    I helped her through difficult times with her ex husband and her children
    I was there when she got admitted to hospital for a serious health condition
    I gave her an eternity ring
    I supported her/her friends when they were going through a bit of a rough time

    What more does a person have to do?

    I dont know what to do about this. This week, they had picked me up for apperently breaching a condition. the whole thing was traumatic and im still trying to come to terms with everything from day 1. Thankfully, I got released.

    i just feel disappointment to myself and of course, shame to my family because of all this.

    I can't sleep, can't eat much...can't even be my happy/cheery self like I used to be. This was one of many reasons why she had become very close to me and understood things that only we both could ever understand due to my personality and approach in things, she even confided things in me....and then this?

    I just dont want a conviction but i cannot go through with all of this and feel like pleading guilty and taking the punishment whilst she is all happy and probably with someone else. its just sick to be honest.

    I work so hard in life and have changed people's lives for the better.... and i get this.

    The case apperently is a "minor" case but to me, its massive!

    makes no sense.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 27, 2009
  2. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member


    Im really sorry you are going through this. You sound like a great guy in shitty circumstances. My thought would be to not plead guilty to something you didnt do but then the courts are funny places, just have trust in your defense. Try to stay strong. Dont let this define you. Look at all the things you have achieved. Try to keep a clear head.

    Im only a pm away if you want some support or a listening ear.

  3. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i felt like i was reading about my own life. not to the extent that a significant other screwed me but i was screwed by a man of whom i had done absolutely no harm too. because of this man i am being charged with six felonies. i could serve up to 60yrs in prison and up to $600,000 in fines. i am innocent but have been having trouble proving it. i totally hear ya when you say you're not sure if you should take the deals or not. i've been there this whole time with my case too. it's no easy position to be in and all the things that go along with it.
    there is the old saying that nice guys finish last. i think i'm beginning to see the reality of this now.
    i haven't told my dad or family about my case only because my mom just passed away from cancer this summer and my dad has had his hands full with that. plus he has had two major heart attacks already and he is now beginning to suffer from depression as well. i couldn't lay all this on him. i know it's the right thing to do, but what i wouldn't give to be able to have my dad by my side through all this.
    anyways if you would like to chat more about all this certainly feel free to pm me. i will be the best support i can be. i'm sorry you have to go through all this. it doesn't always make sense but in the end it will make us stronger. i also believe we need to try to find all the positive in the situation that we can (even when it seems like there is none). i am trying to make my whole experience the lesson i would not of seen otherwise, and when i am done with all this think of the people i may be able to help because of it. just a thought.
    i won't tie you up anymore. i really hope for you that this case turns for the better. i'm sure you deserve that. please please take care
  4. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    Thank-you ladies. I really appreciate your time and replies and very sorry to hear about the circumstances.

    you know, I never even told my parents about this other half (due to cultural reasons) but was going to.... but then all this happened and I didnt.
    of course, they dont know whats going on and to be frank I dont want them to know because not only will i bring shame but a disappointment to them and embarrasment too.

    It just makes no sense. She was the sole person I could trust with anything as today's society is all about drink, drugs, sex, play games etc..... but she and I arent like that and that is what brought us so close together and why things were somewhat smooth until she tried to play games.

    ive always been the better person in that if there is something I dont like on what she was doing, I would just leave the premisis and would be "professional" about it. I believe this is a better and a good thing to do than to be in the same place where the person who is hurting you is still present and would only make matters worse.

    One point, (when this all started) she pinned me down on the bed and wouldnt let me go. eventually she let me go and since then, its been nothing but cold communication by email/text

    sure ive been frustrated and sent a few nasty texts/emails but who wouldnt in such a situation? I usually dont but she kept hurting me so of course, it tested my waters a bit however have apologised about them.

    one minute it seems as if things are ok then the next.... nothing. so not only was she messing me around, but just making such a small matter a big one.

    Its confusing. The day before all this happened, she invited me round by email saying she loves me etc... etc...
    The next day, I recieved a text from someone to say the fact that I should delete their number. silly me being confused and all over the place, i thought it was her and sent a few nasty emails (not abusive or threatning nature, that isnt me at all) and then things got a bit heated with her.

    I then still decided to go round and to sort this out once and for all, to clear the air but that didnt happen.

    instead, I tried to talk, she wasnt listening and I tried to leave on my own, not once but twice. she stopped me by saying not to go and that she wants to listen (whilst we are both emotionally teary/drained).

    Anyway, she then had a friend round and thought I would leave and maybe come back at a later date to sort it properly. I asked if I could talk to her in the kitchen privately, she agreed.

    And at this point is when she said that the whole thing happened where I tried to push her against the door and tried to kiss her and so on. its so horrifying, and she knows that this is not me at all and above all, it never happened.

    What did I do? I tried to talk and was crying. I then held my arms out to indicate a hug. she smiled/nodded but teary, and instead I tried to embrace her by the arms and kiss her on the cheek. thats all and at this point she got well, wacko really.

    I then left after shaking her hand to wish her well and that it was such a shame that it had to end like this after everything I had done for her. I asked her if it was a waste and she always said "no, its not a waste".
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i wish i could tell you why women feel it's necessary to play games like that with mens lives. i'm personally nothing at all like that. i wish to a small extent i could understand the mentality of these women. understand it to the extent of being able to help someone else. all i can assume is it's some sort of a power trip. i am going to hope for you that you'll come out the winner in this case, but not just that but that she will get into trouble for filing a false report. i'm thinking you probably don't want her to get into trouble, but personally i would for messing with my life like that. it's just wrong. i hope things work out to the good for ya. take care
  6. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    thanks. I appreciate that.
    it just makes no sense really. this is something we spoke about as well when we always had those heart 2 heart moments, talking about life and people in general, why people are so stupid and so on and she agreed.

    yet here I am, in this situation.

    I still like pleading guilty as the whole thing is nerve wrecking. i mean, i just dont know what to think or do. its difficult.
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm sorry you're having to go through this. :hug: It really isn't fair.
    Always here if you just need a friend or need someone to talk to.
  8. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    at least for me in my case i can't claim guilty when i know i'm innocent. we have finally found something that will prove my innocence i hope you can find yours. it's got to be there somewhere.
  9. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    it is very good to hear about your findings rhinolady.

    as for me, there just isnt as its pretty much 3 women including her ganging up against 1 man (me) - and a "young" man at that.
    no one saw anything. one over heard a couple of words but that was it but anyone can say anything at anytime.

    i didnt do it but i still fear that the jury will say "guilty"
  10. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    stick to the truth.
    perjury is such a nasty thing.
    have i any experience with it?
    courts? yes. perjuring? no.

    the truth WILL set you free. i just hope you keep faith in that.

    hope everything turns out (well.)
    - H
  11. spyke

    spyke Well-Known Member

    first up if you're innocent then hold your head high YOU'RE INNOCENT so start acting it

    second if she could do this to you perhaps she's done it to others get your legal team on to that and the past "abusive relationships"

    start looking at the practical side who is gaining what from this what's she set to gain from any of this has she legal rights to your money if so that's your defence also i hope they demand a psychiatric evaluation of your "so called better half"

    i've had allegations and stuff about ME in the past and i know i couldn't be around those that were saying things not out of guilt but out of fear of the pure nastiness and it's taken me years and more heartache than you could possibly imagine to get to this point where i'm in limbo between life and death and thus free of all notions of consequence now i will SEEK those that said things about me and give back what's comin their way

    back on topic though

    HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH i cannot stress this enough

    do not let this isolate you and continue to remember you are totally innocent and i'm sure those that know you and your character will vouch for that if you get unfairly charged then i don't think i need to tell you what you're best option then is but i know what i would do and what other's HAVE done

    there are many "heart warming" stories of men only out of prison getting their own back on those that put them there wrongfully but i would only say go that road if the system fails you and it's not perfect but try keep a little faith in it

    please keep us posted of anything relevant in this story and such perhaps some of us can help
  12. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    I fell so deeply in love with the perfect woman for me. after 5 years she had managed to take my house, deplete my entire riterment account. Stuck me with years worth of taxes and six years later still causing my grief.
    I wsh I has stuck up for myself back then. I hope you do too.
    Good luck.
  13. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    thank-you. im sorry to hear your situation sparky, it is sad and makes me wonder why women are like this, but we are not allowed to think this way as its "sexist" and negitive....but not our fault if they do this. I do feel sorry for the real victims though.

    as each day goes by, i cannot help but hearing/thinking the worst. it just sucks. i know she would probably say "he pushed me against the kitchen door and tried rubbing me and groping me".... which is utter nonsense. but then how the defence barrister will argue this i do not know.

    time is ticking. fast. i have just under 2 months before I get the date of the trial. i cant go through with it. wish she would drop it, new year and all that but of course, what does she care - probably washing our pure love away with someone else which hurts and she still has my eternity ring.

    urgh. i just cant see it, i mean 3/4 witnesses are being called, all women and no one saw anything but one of them only just over heard some words, the other somehow by supersonic sound waves heard "banging" from the living room when there was no banging and wasnt even mentioned in anyone elses statement.
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