Hi, uh...I hate being self-pitying or long-winded, but I could really use some advice. As the title suggests, I'm incredibly lonely. I had to drop out of college for financial reasons and move back home, and I wasn't really close enough to retain any friends after I no longer saw them everyday. I tried hitting some of them up on Facebook, but they just seemed weirded out. I'm not really close to any of my family, and I can't readily contact them without drama. I don't go out much - severe social anxiety, and I don't live within walking distance to anyone or anywhere I can visit. My occupation, until I can get back into school, is simply writing. For the past two years, I've had a really great group of friends I met on the Internet. We live across the world, but we're similar in age and have had many similar interests. Met on a gaming forum, but I don't think any of us visit it anymore. We really have all supported each other through hard times with reassuring words and advice from people who feel similarly, always having stupid Skype calls that last all day over weekends (some going on all night) just to tell inside jokes and talk and stream games. I don't think he knows this, but if it weren't for one particular group member, I don't think I would still be alive. We connected perfectly on everything and felt similar emptiness, and he always cared about me more than I was accustomed to anyone else ever caring. I always had a bit of a crush, and we sort of flirted back and forth, but nothing serious. I'm just an Internet person, after all, and he confides in me and vents to me, so I know he's going through a hard time right now, and I don't want to make his life more complicated. Our group has been planning for a few months to meet in person in about three years (it's how much time it will take everyone to gather the money), and that's really been my major thing to look forward to. Recently, though, attendance in this chat has been waning, and we've lost three of our seventeen members in the past month. It's been slowing down very much, and I'm afraid we're drifting apart. I'm worried this meet-up we've been planning is nothing but a pipe dream. For the first time in a while, I'm truly alone, and old feelings are acting up again. I want friends, but at the same time, it will take years all over again to become as close to anyone as I have these ones, and still no one will truly replace them...so... I'm just not sure what to do. I joined dating websites, but I can only really afford free ones, and I haven't really connected with anyone. It looks like just random hookups for the most part, and I'm not about that... I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm fated to be someone's memory, and never anyone's future.