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I'm very lonely...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lady Youth, Jul 23, 2016.

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  1. Lady Youth

    Lady Youth Active Member

    Hi, uh...I hate being self-pitying or long-winded, but I could really use some advice.

    As the title suggests, I'm incredibly lonely.

    I had to drop out of college for financial reasons and move back home, and I wasn't really close enough to retain any friends after I no longer saw them everyday. I tried hitting some of them up on Facebook, but they just seemed weirded out.

    I'm not really close to any of my family, and I can't readily contact them without drama.

    I don't go out much - severe social anxiety, and I don't live within walking distance to anyone or anywhere I can visit. My occupation, until I can get back into school, is simply writing.

    For the past two years, I've had a really great group of friends I met on the Internet. We live across the world, but we're similar in age and have had many similar interests. Met on a gaming forum, but I don't think any of us visit it anymore. We really have all supported each other through hard times with reassuring words and advice from people who feel similarly, always having stupid Skype calls that last all day over weekends (some going on all night) just to tell inside jokes and talk and stream games.

    I don't think he knows this, but if it weren't for one particular group member, I don't think I would still be alive. We connected perfectly on everything and felt similar emptiness, and he always cared about me more than I was accustomed to anyone else ever caring. I always had a bit of a crush, and we sort of flirted back and forth, but nothing serious. I'm just an Internet person, after all, and he confides in me and vents to me, so I know he's going through a hard time right now, and I don't want to make his life more complicated.

    Our group has been planning for a few months to meet in person in about three years (it's how much time it will take everyone to gather the money), and that's really been my major thing to look forward to.

    Recently, though, attendance in this chat has been waning, and we've lost three of our seventeen members in the past month. It's been slowing down very much, and I'm afraid we're drifting apart.

    I'm worried this meet-up we've been planning is nothing but a pipe dream.

    For the first time in a while, I'm truly alone, and old feelings are acting up again. I want friends, but at the same time, it will take years all over again to become as close to anyone as I have these ones, and still no one will truly replace them...so...

    I'm just not sure what to do.

    I joined dating websites, but I can only really afford free ones, and I haven't really connected with anyone. It looks like just random hookups for the most part, and I'm not about that...

    I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm fated to be someone's memory, and never anyone's future.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I do hope your meet up goes ahead, that would be lovely for you, but as for here there are many lonely people (myself included) that will show you care and support for the issues you are going through. You certainly will never be lonely here. Have you tried meetup.com? That's supposed to be a good one and i have heard good things about it. Always here if you want a chat and to feel less alone and isolated :)
    Lady Youth likes this.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Just to add we have a meet up section here http://suicideforum.com/community/forums/meets.32/

    It is not particularly active but you might be able to get one going depending on your location. There has been successful meet ups on this site before!
  4. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    Is there any way you could get involved with our furry and feathered animal friends. Volunteer at a shelter or clinic, become a dog walker. Critters are so non-judgmental and comforting.
    Lady Youth likes this.
  5. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    What about volunteering or working? Are there any writing groups near you?
    Lady Youth likes this.
  6. neko-chan

    neko-chan Well-Known Member

    i needed to stop several times while i was reading your post it just hits too close to home that i started crying when i reached the part about you saying it's just a pipe dream.. i feel exactly that way.. i met a friend online and i've been saving up so i can go visit him.. and we promised one day we'll visit each other.. but lately things are rough between us.. we don't chat as often as before.. and now i'm wondering if i'm just deluding myself.. which is highly likely..
    Lady Youth likes this.
  7. Flaxney

    Flaxney Well-Known Member

    I can relate, sometimes it seems as if finding people that are enthusiastic about interacting with is a Sisyphean task. Perhaps you should look into volunteer work as Rockclimbinggirl suggested, also you might try http://www.meetup.com/ to find like-minded people to socialise with.
    Lady Youth likes this.
  8. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    i also can relate. I been a member of very nice communities and miss it dearly. I still dream about it.

    In the last years the only way i found good groups is in mobile games with a high social side. Like Game of war: Fire age and Vikings: War of clans.

    The chat here is great people but the regulars change all the time, hard to make and keep friends.

    Good luck!
    Lady Youth likes this.
  9. MyCatWillMissMe

    MyCatWillMissMe Well-Known Member

    I had a similar experience where people just lost interest in the idea of a group of e-friends. For what it's worth, we can be your e-friends :)
    Lady Youth likes this.
  10. Lady Youth

    Lady Youth Active Member

    Thanks for the suggestions, everyone. As for volunteer work, there aren't a lot of opportunities in my community, but I'll look into it. I have severe social anxiety, but it's worth it, still.

    Activity has picked up again drastically these past few days within my group, I hope it stays like this. Honestly, I couldn't bear thinking of replacing these people. They're too unique, we've spoken too much.

    I spoke for a couple hours to the one that's been my closest friend for a while and sort of told him in an offhand way how much he meant to me.

    Maybe I won't have to for a long while. :)
    Northern likes this.
  11. MyCatWillMissMe

    MyCatWillMissMe Well-Known Member

    For what its worth you should really never expect a group of internet friends to hang around forever. It is a super, super rare thing. You may chat with them on occasion on skype/FB but the odds are that the group is not nearly as important to most of them as it is to you. I know because like I said I was in a similar situation. People get older and get lives and they don't hold on to the days of their youth once they start working real jobs and have families. The rest of us feel like we got left behind but the reality is it wasn't their job to be our support team and all we can do is cherish the memories. Please keep this in mind because eventually it will come and it's not healthy to put a large amount of your hope into such things.
  12. Lady Youth

    Lady Youth Active Member

    Well, yeah. I'm not expecting a forever and ever here.

    And I mean...we're all quite young (oldest is 23, I think?). I wanted us to have a couple years left until our meet-up, maybe occasional contact between the ones particularly close.

    It looks like the more determined faction of us are still interested, so that's nice.
  13. Lady Youth

    Lady Youth Active Member

    I was just excited that the trip was still on, and that sort of bummed me out all over again. :/
  14. MyCatWillMissMe

    MyCatWillMissMe Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry and don't want to bum you out. You are fortunate to have such a group of people to talk with. I wish I was part of such a thing again.
    Lady Youth likes this.
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