I'm WAY past depression

well it ALL started in grade school...
I think i was 11... ish, where i kinda had a realization that my life was pretty boring ...and because i was silent everyone thought i was stupid,that made me kinda depressed, but i had a few friends, and I'm sure that if i told them i was feeling down they would try to cheer me up... but I had this faith that, things where gonna get better, and i didn't like bringing people down... and that faith kept me going till I reached about 13, grade school, final year... where i realized that nothing had gotten better... it was all the same, maybe worse.
at the end of the year i realized how little of an impact grade school had on me, most of the friends i had i would barely miss... during graduation i seen friends saying there final goodbyes, and many people crying... this made me realize in all the 8 years i was in grade school, nothing happened... seeing how much others where impacted made me feel like i waisted 8 years of my life... i was pretty depressed
that depression led me to high school where once again, i believed things would get better. a year passed, almost done the second they didn't...
they got much worse. i display myself as a happy person now, and i treat it as this inside joke that i suffer a deep depression... I'm kinda angry, very confused, but mostly depressed. i think it's fair to say I've gotten past depression and am going towards insanity... help me... please

 

that is an awful place to be where all your thoughts are all distorted your emotions screwed up. You need help okay you need to call your doctor and get on new meds for depression that will give you some clarity in thought back. call you gp okay get some help to get you out of that dark hole h ugs

 

You are not insane - your too exact about your depression for you to be judged as such.

Your just going through a REAL bad period of depression, maybe left it untreated for a while or you are not getting treatment, which many will do.

Its the stigma of depression that likely leads us to do this - but you got to talk to someone because what you feel is insanity is just all these issues you have in your head and nobody to talk to about them and to make sense of them.

Often as not its just stopping those negative thoughts which is the key to stopping depression.

When you were a young child you and your friends were getting along good - they cheered you up, you could talk to them. Saying you feel down to someone means a lot. The 'pretending' to be happy - most of us do this at times - its a good thing in many ways as you 'act' a certain way and get used to the ritual and eventually feel comfy again. But if you are never happy, this pretence adds to the pressure. It's not worth pretending as it wears you out - and sometimes counselling is a good way to get this out of your system. Other things can help - exercise in particular can flood the brain with the same chemicals we find many drugs releasing.

Meds also bro - are you taking anything right now?

Good luck and you are nowhere near insane. You might be at a stage in which meds would help you a lot and some counselling to get you over this. you have done well for sticking to your education but things would be better if you got treatment and maybe you'd have better luck with results as studying and taking exams depressed is like trying to run a marathon with broken legs.

Get that help - we all need it at times and you need feel no shame for being 'weak' or anything like that. Anyone can get this, weak and the strong, rich or poor, fit or unfit.

Students just happen to be in a very high risk group for depression.

Take care - and be a friend to yourself and get some help for this.

 

:hug: I think you should talk to a Dr about the way you feel. Meds can help you feel better. So can being in therapy. I don't think you're insane, I just think you are very depressed.

 

Oh I feel like this to at times, your not insane your depressed, and as much as your brain is playing tricks on you, you have to get back at it, by telling your doctor or someone that can help how your feeling. In my opin (if you care, lol) depression never goes away, we learn how to control it, or to overcome parts of it, but its always going to be there. Just like alot of other diseases, you may find times that its dormant, and then there will be times like now that its in your face.

Try to learn the process of your brain, cause we all are differant and it takes differant things for all of us to get relief from it. Start by seeing whats triggering your depression, and then what you can do to stop it before it gets manic. Meds are great with the ups and downs to, it helps keep a balance of your emotions so they are not all over the place (one minute crying the next angry as hell). A hobbie is the best thing to me, keeping yourself busy and occupied is a hands down!!!! relief to depression. The more you sit and think about how bad it is the worse it will get.

Now that Ive rambled on and on, (more like lectured, sorry mom in me), I will say what I wanted to say in the first place, your at a time in life when your trying to figure out the next step, its a scary and emotional transition, reach out to others that have done it and what helped them.

Hope your day is treating you better.

 

i remember a doc saying "if you think you're insane then you are not" and you have to hold on to that. see your doc...get some meds and try and get some clarity...but to go thru this alone wont help, get medical help today or if not tomorrow...there is help out there. take care :hug:

 

thanks for the reply s I appreciate all you people trying to help out
*hugs*
i wish i had more to say... but that's all i can think of.