I honestly feel like this is the end. The person I'll never be able to get over is moving to arkansas so she can get money for a car. I can't do this long distance shit anymore. All I do is stay in bed all day crying about it. I can't eat because my nerves make my stomach upset. I have no will to go on. I'm ready to tell everyone bye and then get a hotel room so no one i know will find me dead. I'm not even getting scared of it anymore, it just feels like something i have to do. I'm tired of living with relatives because i feel spyed on. The only reason i was staying here because my ex-fiancee was close by. Now she's leaving because she cant afford where she lives now. Has no idea how long she'll be there. She expects me to wait and be 'strong' about it. Well you know what, I'm not fucking strong in the least. I can't handle everyday life at all. I am a shitty (ex)fiance, shitty friend, a shitty son and a shitty nephew. All i'm doing is wasting away. I collapsed in the shower yesterday from not being able to breathe. 21 years of pissing everyone off with my depression. Yeah my life revolves around one person I admit. But its been months and I havent gotten any better. I'll never fucking get her back because i can't even take care of myself. I'm weak and worthless. I wish I could just start things over with her but thats unrealistic. This really feels like the end. I'm untreatable. I guess its over.