Im Weak

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by alle_vite, Feb 24, 2009.

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  1. alle_vite

    alle_vite Well-Known Member

    I have been goint through a totl break down at the moment, normalyy i can snap myself out of them but for some reason this time i cant pick myself up, Everyday the black cloud decends over me and puts me in a low crappy suicidal mood. I used to sh alot but i managed to stop for over a year but this morning in the bath i was so so weak i just wanted the pain to go away for a little while. Im sorry to those ive hurt, im trying to hide it to avoid hurting anyone but i always seem to get found out. I am so so weak and now im kicking myslef because for those few minutes after each cut i felt better now im feeling 10 times worse!!! Sorry i just needed to vent :sad:
     
  2. Danny Crooks

    Danny Crooks Well-Known Member

    Vent away, thats what the forum's here for. I understand what you're saying, and I often feel the same way you do.

    Try to find something you enjoy, do you maybe meditate, do yoga? Each time you thinking of SH-ing, drop into the routine of doing something you like?

    I meditate ALOT, solely because it's the only time when my mind isn't telling me to die, so i find it helps.

    If you wanna chat more about that, give me a PM.

    Take care

    Peace & God Bless.
     
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Well done or not harming for a year! That is a HUGE achievement. Ok, so what you did today was not the best thing in the world, but it doesn't diminish the achievement you have made.

    Almost every single person who recovers from SH slips up at some point, it's a natural part of recovery. The important part is what you do now, do you beat yourself up over it and end up feeling worse? Or do you accept that it wasn't the best thing to do, but you can carry on with recovery? Or do you completely give up on recovery?

    It sounds to me like you still want to be in recovery, so therefore you can see this as a slip if you choose.

    Think about a journey, on any long journey you go on you need to take breaks when you get tired, and that's all a slip up is, a break, and it may be this is the only break you take. From here, you might find yourself reaching your destination of being recovered.

    It does sound though like things are really hard for you, do you want to talk about what's going on? Have you had any help and support to help you work on those issues?
     
  4. alle_vite

    alle_vite Well-Known Member

    Thankyou for your kind words, yeh as much as i would love to talk about whats going on i just dont know were to start. I did it again today and i now fear im falling back into the routine of getting the couple of minutes ease for a lifetime of scars.
     
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Do you want to restart or do you want to carry on with recovery?

    It sounds like you do want to talk, but if things are overwhelming maybe try writing in bullet points, or just writing and not really thinking, or going through in chronological order? Or if you don't want to post here maybe try finding a way to release it for yourself, like through art, or spider diagrams, or poems, letter, etc.

    How are you feeling now about things?
     
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