I've spent the better part of the time I've been a member here to try and make a post about what troubles me, why it troubles me, what I feel and why I feel that way. Whenever I start writing about my troubles it just has no end(meaning it turns into relentless babbeling, much like this, only longer). I copy pasted what I wrote over on microsoft word and ended up with 4 pages of crap. Honestly, I don't think it matters anyway. The only thing I'm sure of is that I have no desire to remain alive anymore. I've been waiting for something in my life to improve...tried to improve it myself, but I've realised...that isn't going to happen. Everytime I move one step forward I get pulled two steps back. It's been like this for almost 20 years now, with no end in sight. So why should I keep on moving forward? It's pretty sad actually, my only enjoyment left in life is games and anime now. And what keeps me from killing myself is fear. Kinda pathetic :/ It's probably my own fault as well, even though I don't want to realise it. I came here to find help, but I honestly don't deserve that. Nor do I see how it's possible to help me when I don't know what's wrong to start with. yet here I am >.< Don't feel obliged to post or anything, just an annoying rant I guess.