I'm worried about my mum...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by freddie, Jun 1, 2011.

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  1. freddie

    freddie Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling much more stable these last few weeks after having some rough weeks of anxiety and suicidal thoughts blah blah blah.. However I'm a bit shook up right now...
    My mum is a writer, and I spotted some poetry on the family computer that she'd written.
    A few years back I'd seen a poem she'd written which included a sentence about feeling suicidal and being tired of "carrying on"
    She is currently unemployed, but is happily married to my father, I have moved back home for a while and the family all get on well.
    Anyway, I'm going to cut an extremely long unnecessary story short.
    I found a new poem she's written very recently, the poem is on sucidal thoughts and being borderline depressed and she writes her thoughts on the tragic effects it'd have on the family.
    I've kept most of my feelings quite with my parents, and I'm not sure what to do with her.
    I ask her genuinely one on one if she is OK, as in, reaallllly. She always responds yes. She appears confident, positive, and I know she supresses any negative thoughts and deals with things herself and doesn't open up very much. She is a very proffessional lady and she brings that into her personal life and she has great issues with coming across as a weak individual.
    I really don't know what to do. Should I mention something? How? How can I when she doesn't want to share when I ask? Maybe I need to push it out?
    Is it my business when often I'm in the same situation? I think this has been going on for some time though.
    Any advice would be greatly greatly appreciated.
    Many thanks everyone.
  2. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that hun. Unfotunatley you can only help someone if they can admit there is a problem ande accept the help. If you try pushing her you may make it worse and she will go deeper into depression. Maybe if you told her about yourself she may open up to a bit more. Hope it all works out xx
  3. freddie

    freddie Well-Known Member

    I know, I guess, when my ma asks me how i really am, i always tell her, but i brief it down to sound less serious and don't go into detail, but i let her know i need some support. She doesn't even do that, it's all about being strong and putting on a brave face and from what I read she's describing herself as "an actor". Ugh. Dunno what to say. Or do.
    But thanks for your reply xx
  4. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Im a writer too.i wouldnt let my family read a lot of my stuff.
    When a person writes they are exploring their emotions.
    The fact thar she can put it in a poem is a good sign.it will help her.
    You shouldnt worry
  5. freddie

    freddie Well-Known Member

    Hi starryeyed. I struggle to believe I shouldn't worry. Writing is a big thing in my family. My uncle (mother's side) is a well established poet. He's a recovering alcoholic and has numerous suicide attempts and, well, things have been really rough with him.
    I understand how writing can help release your emotions and stuff, but it doesn't cure a problem, it just helps you word it and explain it to yourself.
    Thanks for the reply though x
  6. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Most creative people feel things more than nornal people.
    I am one of those.its either a blessing or a curse.
    But the fact that they are doing well in writing gives them something to live for.
    If they had no talent id worry more
  7. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    i write too, but the only people that read it are on this forum..

    hope your mum will be okay
  8. freddie

    freddie Well-Known Member

    Thank you
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree with Starry, I've written stuff to get it out rather than actually wanting to act on it.
    I paint as well and some of my paintings are very dark, doesn't mean I'm in a terrible place per se, just trying to get the darkness out of me.

    However, I'd still keep a wary eye out, and if you think she is ready to talk, pounce!
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Freddie, They say that creative people are more suicidal.. Can you get your hands on that poem again..I would confront her with it..Don't be nasty just assure her that you are worried about her..Let her know you love her..
  11. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Yeah terry my paintings are very weird.
    People in college thought I was a freak.
    Now I write more,find it easier.i dont think you should confront her.
    They are her private feelings.everyone is entitled to theem.
  12. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    if she left it on the family computer a part of her wanted people to see it
    i'd print it out and have a heart to heart with her
    does she know about this site? would it be too weird to tell her about SF?
  13. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Sounds like your mum is a very caring person - and like a lot of mums she 'hides' some things - but in a way that is just normal. A mother with young children often really has little time to dwell on herself so much - this can be a worry if she has not got the support of a wider family network - but for the main part I guess we all hide being down from time to time and its a good thing in my book.

    We're all actors to a degree.

    As for the poems - they are just that - poems! It would be very different if you got home and a carefully folded note was waiting in prominent view on the table. Bear in mind that poetry will cover all the facets of human emotion. Her insight on suicide, might come from her artistic empathy towards others who are in that plight. You do say 'borderline' depression also - which, in my book, is the space just before you get to the barbed wire, trenches and mud of the darkness itself. Borderline can just be someone's ability to envision something - to understand it.

    With your mother's uncle being a poet and going through issues - maybe she has had a closeness there. Perhaps a great empathy which makes her insight into depression so real.

    The things is - reading someone's poems, without permission, is wrong! Sure, you stumbled on them - easy to flick on some home PC and just log into a user with no password. But maybe you could tell your mum you read the poem and take it from there.

    Whatever happens, you are a good son - and that means a lot to her.

    Make sure she knows you love her!

    Good luck.
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