I remember how you used to answer the phone so shy. How you said my voice was soothing. How you called me on my bullshit and would fight til you hung up to defend your bullshit, only to phone me back or answer when I phoned you back. How you called when you needed help. But you didnt call when it mattered most. RIP Talia. I hope you have found peace at last.
Hug and kiss your kids tonight folks. Tell them how special they are and how much you love them. Because tomorrow you may not get that chance. Tomorrow could be too late.
I will never forget how we used to laugh together on the phone. I will never forget the way you used to light up when you talked about your life with me. I will never forget the time you laughed at me when i told you I believed in fate/destiny. But fate brought you to me Talia. Destiny brought you into my life. When I arrived here, I was lost...struggling. I didn't think I had anywhere to go anymore; that all my options were run through. You laughed at my screen name and struck up a conversation and we became friends.
Talia, for the rest of my life I am going to feel so guilty that I disappeared from here for the last few weeks. I knew you were struggling but I was in over my head with my own problems and I just needed to get my head figured out. I figured when I got back we could apologize for closing off to each other and get back to being friends. And now I never get to hear your voice answer the phone. Or your laugh. Or you yell at me and call me stupid and naive.
You still had so much to do and so much to live for. I am so sorry I failed to show you that. There is no positive to this, no gain for anyone. Before you left us, you tried to save my feelings and save me from hurt. I still have you on my MSN list and I will never take you off. In losing you, through all the pain and all the hurt, you managed to give me one final gift...one final goal; you gave me the greatest gift possible...the will to win. Talia, for you, for my wife, for my children, I swear to God I am going to do this. I am going to fight, fight, and fight some more to be the best husband, father, and human being I can be. I am going to stand up to the war going on in side my head and I am going to walk through the battlefield of this mental illness with every weapon I have and every ounce of strength I can summon, and I am going to stand tall at the end of my days a winner. THE VICTOR. I will have my wife at my side, and my children with us too. And I will have your picture in my hand, your voice in my head, and your memory in my heart.
We all only knew each other a short while, but in that time we really shared a lot. You had the most profound effect on me possible; you saved my life Talia. I will not dishonour you by wasting it or giving it away. Please be at peace now baby. I love you.