IMISSYOU, I'm right there with you.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Matty321, Apr 17, 2007.

  1. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    I wanted to die when my bro lef tme. All these questions, how could he leave me, his lil' sister?, etc., etc. And guilt bigger and more powerful than anything, it's all very surreal.

    Sharp feelings of not wanting to live without my bro still haunt me daily. I don't want to walk a useless fucking planet that was the death of my bro. Fuck this ugly world.

    But this is it. This is what I've got left. Two little girls keep me going.

    My kids. Their smiles. The sound of their laughter.

    And I got a dog to make me smile more than I would normally.

    And that is working.

    But at the same time nothing works.

    Bless your heart.

    Hang in.

    ~Matty
     
  2. I Miss You

    I Miss You Guest

    why thank you Matty for those kind words...i have been through 4 suicides in my life..and just recently i lost my close friend and hi family to murder

    if you want to add me to your MSN messenger

    my address is:

    IMissU34@hotmail.com
     
  3. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    Hi. I would love to do the messenger thing but am not set up to do it yet.

    In a week or so I may look into that...today I'm sick as hell and can't imagine getting around to that yet.

    But I would love to talk, IMISSYOU, and my heart goes out to anyone who's lost a dear loved one even once, let alone by suicide, which makes the healing more complicated. I cannot imagine 4 of them, esp. in addition to murder. Whew.

    For now...

    I am a friend. I will not leave here.

    You will always have me.

    ~Matty
     
  4. I'll_B_There_Soon

    I'll_B_There_Soon New Member

    I lost my fiance to suicide, and its the hardest thing I have ever had to cope with, it still hurts to this day, I am always thinking "why did he do it?" , "what did I do?" , "was it my fault?" For a long time I felt really guilty every time I took a breath or ate some food, or basically anything that he can no longer do. I found out 4days later that I was pregnant, my whole world just seemed to fall apart, I had lost the only man I had ever loved and couldnt even share our good news, so many people told me I should have a termination to ease the pain, but I didnt listen to them and now have a beautiful girl who is now two and a bit yrs old, she is the image of her daddy and I think of her as a present sent to me from my fiance. I just hope everyone on here can find some kind of happiness and not let the lose of their loved ones rule their life like it has me for the past 3yrs.
     
  5. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    Oh my God. And how awful for me to have disappeared so long, but I was really sick. Today I don't have any time for this either, it's a busy, busy season for me and with the depression of my brother's suicide having been compounded so horribly by winter, I'm afraid I've been obsessed with working outdoor, spring cleaning and anything to feel better and less dismal. This sucks.

    But you. You are a good distraction but not just a distraction, all of you in here. I hurt for you terrible whenever I read these stories and I know I owe one in good faith, having peered in on others' pain. But I'm so tired, it's end of the school year for the kids and all and sitting at the puter hasn't been very beneficial, while the other stuff, esp. sunshine has.

    Your story is surreal as well, many or most in here have these so-crazy they're-hard-to-believe-stories and I want to come in and talk about suicide in depth and maybe you can be distrated by my crap.:wink:

    You absolutely did the right thing. I'm no pro lifer, against abortion but you did the right thing. You must know every day you get to love your baby beauty, she is an excellent way to hang on. Children are wonderful if they're raised decent and that's what I do is try to immerse myself in them because everything else feels like not much to live for anymore...

    I'm sorry you lost your love.

    I can't imagine that coupled with baby. A troublingly sad scenario.

    I do hope life is not kicking you about to boot... Three years is not long enough to be better so you should also still be in a self pampering phase, I hope.

    I am having real trouble myself. But my kids deserve a happy Mommy.

    We all need to work on making OURSELVES just a little bit happier. A little less looking outward for relief, a little more looking inward for what help we can give ourselves and there we may have a better chance in a world that tramples over and ahead of the downtrodden...

    We must struggle to survive sometimes, I guess.


    ~Matty
     
  6. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    Thank you again for this, I MISS YOU, I will eventually use it, I know, I'm very lonely and would appreciate an ear myself and someone else's pain is nice to think about for a change because it takes something powerful to distract me from my own.

    I look forward to getting to know you...Matty
     
  7. imheretohelp

    imheretohelp Member

    matty, i already posted in another of your topics but if you want you can e-mail me or talk to on msn, i lost my bro to, please dont think about suicide, i went through the same but am now moved on, happy with my life and happy to be living, there was a time i was holding a gun in my mouth, i had already half pulled the trigger when i decided no

    i now feel that was the best decision of my life, im proposing soon to my girlfriend and were buying a house and moving in together. just please dont commite suicide, think what life could have in store for you, by the sound of the post you are a single mom, u could find the man of your dreams, a succesful career and live to be extremley happy, dont commite suicide please, just e-mail me or talk to me on msn if you want