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Immense Sadness

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by apenn77, May 22, 2015.

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  1. apenn77

    apenn77 New Member

    I guess I feel like I need to vent. My entire life I have had something inside me, like an empty dark place that nothing can fill. Pretty much I have always been able to hide it to some degree. Most people see me as a pretty 38 year old girl that has everything together. But I don't. Five years ago I and would have died had I not been found. I spent 10 days in icu and came out determined to rebuild my life. Well I have, I have a nice apartment, a nice car, a good job, I am healthy and attractive everything should be wonderful. But it isn't. I have no one in my life I am close to and I really never have. I have always been alone never good enough for anyone. These past few weeks it has gotten really hard to hide my sadness. I want so badly to go to sleep and not wake up. Maybe some people would be sad, but really not for long. I am not capable of being loved and nothing will ever fill this giant dark hole inside of me. I just want it to be over. Obviously I have no one to talk to or I wouldn't be here. Just feels good to get it out I guess. Thanks for listening
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2015
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forum.

    You are brave and show you strength by sharing your story with us. I'm in a similar place, I ended up in ICU as well and would have been dead if not found, that was 4 years ago, only recently I started getting it together. You can talk to us or if you would like to talk privately you can private message me. I am glad you have your health and got no damage from the attempt. My doctor does believe I have damaged my bowel from all the attempts I have made. I wish you al the best and I hope everything works out for you :hugs:
  3. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    "I am not capable of being loved"
    You can certainly be loved! you just haven't had good luck with people lately is all.
    You'll find someone who appreciates you if you keep looking!
    There are SO many different types of people in the world, with different tastes and morals.

    Don't end your life, try to be hopeful for what the future may have in store for you.
    There's always a chance you'll find a reason to be happy, as long as you keep trying new things and meeting new people.

    Anyways, hope you can cheer up someday. Don't give up!
  4. apenn77

    apenn77 New Member

    Wow it is amazing to know there are people like you guys literally all over the world that genuinely care. It means a lot. I think I will be okay just going through a rough spot but I can't thank you enough for listening. It helps to know there are other people out there who understand because certainly no one here gets me.
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