Immensely unhappy, severely depressed...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by newguy2, Mar 5, 2014.

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  1. newguy2

    newguy2 New Member

    I've been depressed ever since my girlfriend broke up with me. Everything seemed so perfect to me. But then one day I found out that she occasionally looks up her ex and logs into his email. This happened quite a few times. After each of the first few times I told her that I got really jealous, but I told her I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as she tells me, but she always chose to never tell me when she did it. The last time she did it, I got really really upset, I cursed at her and called her names I shouldn't have. But in my defense, it makes perfect sense for me to be that angry. I broke up with her, but then the same day I apologized and tried to fix things. She wouldn't accept it. She said she needed to be alone to figure herself out because she wanted to stop hurting me.

    I recently found out, a month after we ended, by going through her emails that she is calling a childhood friend of hers constantly. They FaceTime, call each other husband and wife even though they aren't married, and say they love each other. I tried to find out about it by asking her directly, but she told me its none of my business since we're no longer in a relationship and i shouldn't be going through her things or asking her questions.

    The worst part about all of this is that I planned on proposing to her in a few months...this isn't fair.

    I'm the type of person who is against suicide, however I recently ended up poisoning myself in an attempt to commit suicide. I believe I'm still alive because of the amount of water I drink and the milk my friend forced me to drink causing a dilution of the poison. I don't want to live without her, and I can't even die right...I'm just miserable and depressed. I can't get her off my mind. I've been in love before but my love has never been as great as it is for her. Why is this happening to me...I don't deserve this...I want to just die already.

    I never thought I'd be depressed, but now I'm beyond depressed, I don't know what to do. I've cut off all communication with all friends. I want to be alone...but I'm so depressed...I don't know what to do...
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You really sound like you need professional help to help you deal with these feelings. She did wrong by you , but if you re-read this post it is actually very good that you found out now instead of after proposing or being married. I will also say that being upset by her actions does not make it right for you to scream names and curse at somebody you love - it can happen but it is a recipe for a bad relationship long term. She is also correct in saying you are not in a relationship so you do not have a right to be questioning her relationships now and should not be going through her emails - that is not sign at all of dealing with things in a healthy manner. It will make it impossible for you to move on and find a good person you deserve if you stay this involved in somebody that treated you poorly and unfairly even after the relationship ended. If you cannot control these feelings yourself , please get help from somebody to find some healthy coping techniques to see the end of the relationship for what it was- a blessing to end it before things continued on for more time and got worse.
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