Im not sure if i should be here. I wish i could say more, but i found that there is a small limit in this forum. I've thought about suicide before, until it was often on my mind. But that was months ago. I felt happy for a while, but now things have gotten worse. I've started crying more, (more than six times in four days) and ive googled up suicide and my mind has been going to darker places. But at the same time, i tell myself that im all pretending this. That im blowing things out of porportion, that im faking these tears, doing it just cause i can and feel sorry for myself. Then i feel like i really am faking, but then why would i want to do this to myself? It makes me feel really confused and lost and i found this place just so i didnt get too out of hand. But like today, i felt like i wanted to write a history of my life, not in any morbid means, but just like, my life has had alot of stories, with alot of them bad, some of them good. My dad physically abused me as a kid, i never really fit in or felt like i fit in, i always felt like an outsider. I constantly blame myself, and ever since my first serious relationship with a girl, ive hated myself. I hated myself for comprimising my morals when we had sex, and it really hurt. I alternated today between staring out at nothingness, listening to music, crying, and trying to call my girlfriend. She is everything to me, and im going to college next year. I had a pretty bad senior year, and going off to college with no support...it gets pretty scary. I know im dragging this on, and i didnt mean it to, but at the same time, i feel like i shouldnt be here on this forum. Alot of people have it worse than me, but im also afraid. Feedback?