Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ThePhantomLady, Apr 11, 2016.

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  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I worry myself sometimes...

    I've been impulsively suicidal for a long while already... if I get close to or hold a method in my hand I have found myself about to act, or actually have acted on it. Even on a good day.

    This is going to sound really stupid... but I have really long hair, and I want to keep it long. I've had bob cuts since I was 14... but the last 3 years I've let it grow and it's now really long. When I can afford it I am going to the hair dresser to get the tips taken care of...

    But I'm so scared I'll tell them to cut it into a bob again... last time I did that I got so upset. Since I was a kid I always wanted long hair. And now I finally have it. And it's a really good look for me... my hair is one of the very few things I like about myself. (I apparently have so 'amazing' hair that hair dressers have to tell their co-workers... I have really thick and a lot of hair...)

    And... all of my childhood my mum kept my hair extremely short. I look like an idiot in the school pictures. Her father was a barber and he had always said that if you kept a child's hair short it would get thicker and stronger when they grew older... maybe so... but damn it. I was so envious of the girls with braids or pig tails...

    But... I just had a weird impulse. Back when I had my bob cuts I would put on leggins and a white dress shirt and dance to 'You Never Can Tell' like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. The song came on my playlist and I was reaching for the scissors I keep close to my couch. (for the cross stitch project I am working on) and I was actually about to cut my own hair.

    What the hell is happening to me?

    Can't I be trusted to do anything?
  2. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    As hard as that impulse was you were fighting the urge yes you reach for the scissors and maybe eve had then against you hair. But you battles and battled hard to fight the impulse and am happy that you did.

    I know impulses can be hard and horrible thing to have but try and remeber they do pass.....they don't pass easy its a hard battle in your head and body for sometimes and it wears you down.

    Maybe write a note when the time comes to go to the hair dressers and say you just want the ends trimmed??

    I'm sorry you had such impulses but I am glad you didn't cut your hair especially if you love it so much
    ThePhantomLady and MisterBGone like this.
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