I worry myself sometimes... I've been impulsively suicidal for a long while already... if I get close to or hold a method in my hand I have found myself about to act, or actually have acted on it. Even on a good day. This is going to sound really stupid... but I have really long hair, and I want to keep it long. I've had bob cuts since I was 14... but the last 3 years I've let it grow and it's now really long. When I can afford it I am going to the hair dresser to get the tips taken care of... But I'm so scared I'll tell them to cut it into a bob again... last time I did that I got so upset. Since I was a kid I always wanted long hair. And now I finally have it. And it's a really good look for me... my hair is one of the very few things I like about myself. (I apparently have so 'amazing' hair that hair dressers have to tell their co-workers... I have really thick and a lot of hair...) And... all of my childhood my mum kept my hair extremely short. I look like an idiot in the school pictures. Her father was a barber and he had always said that if you kept a child's hair short it would get thicker and stronger when they grew older... maybe so... but damn it. I was so envious of the girls with braids or pig tails... But... I just had a weird impulse. Back when I had my bob cuts I would put on leggins and a white dress shirt and dance to 'You Never Can Tell' like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. The song came on my playlist and I was reaching for the scissors I keep close to my couch. (for the cross stitch project I am working on) and I was actually about to cut my own hair. What the hell is happening to me? Can't I be trusted to do anything?