In 34 Days, I'll be gone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Flip6ThreeHole, Oct 12, 2010.

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  1. Flip6ThreeHole

    Flip6ThreeHole New Member

    I'll start by posting by saying that I know what I am about to do is not the answer, believe me, I'm educated, have a high paying job, and use to criticize people who took their own lives, but over the next month I will tell my story hoping maybe someone will learn from it. I know what far reaching affects will be by my choices and I hope my family can one day forgive me.
  2. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    Why 34 days? Curious as to why you picked that date
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    What's been going on in your life?
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF...tell us a bit more about yourself when you're ready..
  5. Flip6ThreeHole

    Flip6ThreeHole New Member

    So I'll start by saying first and foremost, what has made me feel like crap about this decision, is I had been given a lot more opportunities then the average person to succeed, I kind of wish I could some how give my life to someone else before I squandered it.

    For the last 20 years in my life I grew up wanting to fly in the military, it was all I ever known. Like growing up, when they asked what you wanted to be, I never had a problem with it because I would always say "Fighter Pilot"

    I went to college, stayed out of trouble, did everything I was suppose to do to get where I wanted to be.
  6. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF and sorry you're here :( i hope in the next 34 days something or someone will change your mind.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No need to set any time i hope the support here will help change you mind set and get you some help to healing. Lots of peoples plans change because of things that happen make the best of you situation okay find a new path.
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I used to be a pilot myself (owned a Balanca Decath-prop plane- had to stop although only VFR) and today I cannot use my legs...if you are flying, please go up for me as I cannot even remain current because of, at least there is another purpose for your flying..please continue to let us know how you are doing and know that we are here to support and care for you...big hugs, J
  9. Flip6ThreeHole

    Flip6ThreeHole New Member

    to make a long story short, about 3 years ago I met a girl who changed the way I feel about loving someone, what it meant to be in love, willing to give up everything for them. For three of those years she told me how she didn't know if she could be with someone in the military, worried about me being gone all the time. Last summer, while I was at OCS, I decided that she was more important to me then flying off into the wild blue yonder.

    I was a rationale person and realized things don't always work out, but what she did to me is more then I can bare. About 6 months later she ended up cheating on me and leaving me for the guy who I thought was my best friend. I didn't really care that she cheated on me, nor really that she cheated on me with my best friend, what hurt me the most is she left me for the one guy she said she couldn't be with, he's now in flight training down in FL.

    Believe me, there is about 20 pages more to this, but this would be the extremely annoted version.

    In some ways I brought what happen on myself, but in others no one deserves what happen to me. Either way what they took out of me has been for this past year or so, more then I can bare. I pretend like it never gets to me, but I literally spend all day everyday thinking about her because what hurts me the most is, I still love her, in spite of everything.

    I feel like shit because there are people on here who have had abusive parents, broken homes, horrible things. And a part of me feels like how can I sit here and squander a life most people dream about. I have a college degree, a family that loves me, on my way to being successful, and I have been blessed with an attractive face and have been fortunate enough to go out with really beautiful women. But at the same time, I think there are very few people out there who can related to what I am going through.

    The reason I picked Nov 15 is because that would have been our anniversary. I don't want to say that I am doing this to get back at her, more of, I'm doing it because of everything she took away from me...
  10. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am struck with a question I have yet to really been able to put into practice myself: do ppl take things away from us or do we give them away? I know it feels like the former, but I suspect, in all honesty, it is the latter...I have been maligned lately by ppl who claimed to be very good friends and are relatives of one of my best friends who died 3 weeks ago...did they take caring and comfort away from me or am I letting them do it? Wish I could resolve this for myself as well...please know that you deserve the good things you have and that pain is not a contest...what we feel is real and we deserve safety and caring...big hugs, J
  11. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Trust me I feel the same way about this forum all the time. While I am not blessed with lady skills. I have a good job and a college degree. I live comfortably, yet I want to die.

    I cannot say more than this really. You felt this way once, you can feel this way again. You just have to hope.
  12. Flip6ThreeHole

    Flip6ThreeHole New Member

    It has nothing actually to do with being in love again, I'm sure with time I possibly would....its more of, I don't I ever can because of the outlook I have on life, I don't trust people anymore, and I can honestly say I never will....
  13. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Again I can relate friend. Trust is easy to destroy but hard to build. You do not have to trust someone right away. They can earn your trust. I Personally think there is nothing wrong with making someone earn your trust. I am sure you will earn to trust again. I hope that you plan PM doing some living in the time you have left.
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