Im in a very dark and lonely place right now. I need to be alone right now, to negotiate with my thoughts. To find a reason to live.
I live in constant pain from my childhood. I dont have anything worth having in my life right now. Materialistic crap, that's it. Yes, I know there is only me that can change that, trust me I have been trying. Yes, I'm on medication. Yes, I'm already in therapy. Yes, my therapist knows I'm suicidal, but no, he doesnt know how I feel right now.
I have a method and I have intent. I also have everything I need to complete it.
My method is painless, so fear of pain wont stop me.
I'm too broken for therapy. I'm too broken to understand my emotions.
I've been fighting my whole life and I havnt got any fight left in me any more. I guess I came here to talk, to find something positive. No I don't want to die, but I do at the same time.
I don't want to die because what if my life can change? What if I can get over my past? What if I can feel happy?
On the flip side, I'm miserable, unhappy, lonely, angry, hurt and isolated.
I am a burden to people around me. My life is chaotic. Im lost right now and ive had enough.
I try to be a good person, I try everything to be better, to be there for people and to love people. All I ever do is upset people and let them down despite trying my best. My best has never been good enough. Never.
I can't change my past. I can't deal with my past. I can't hide from it.its haunting me.
My therapist says I wear a suit of armour to protect myself because that's what I learnt when I was a child. But what happens when the armour weighs too much for me to walk forward and yet at the same time, i don't know how to remove it?
Can all people be fixed? Do you think its possible that someone can be too damaged?
I think in beyond that.
My whole life was wrong. Not just one incident, or even 2 but my whole life. How fo yout even begin to get over things when everything you know is wrong.
Im ugly. I'm fat. Moody. Lazy. Im a horrible, horrible person. Inside and out.
My head is fucked on another level.
No one can ever be close to me because I don't allow it.
Fucked is what i am. There is no point to me anymore.
Ive got a list of things to complete (for others obviously) after that well god knows. Anyway, if yout even read this then I thank you, and I'm sorry. Moaning just as I always do.
I live in constant pain from my childhood. I dont have anything worth having in my life right now. Materialistic crap, that's it. Yes, I know there is only me that can change that, trust me I have been trying. Yes, I'm on medication. Yes, I'm already in therapy. Yes, my therapist knows I'm suicidal, but no, he doesnt know how I feel right now.
I have a method and I have intent. I also have everything I need to complete it.
My method is painless, so fear of pain wont stop me.
I'm too broken for therapy. I'm too broken to understand my emotions.
I've been fighting my whole life and I havnt got any fight left in me any more. I guess I came here to talk, to find something positive. No I don't want to die, but I do at the same time.
I don't want to die because what if my life can change? What if I can get over my past? What if I can feel happy?
On the flip side, I'm miserable, unhappy, lonely, angry, hurt and isolated.
I am a burden to people around me. My life is chaotic. Im lost right now and ive had enough.
I try to be a good person, I try everything to be better, to be there for people and to love people. All I ever do is upset people and let them down despite trying my best. My best has never been good enough. Never.
I can't change my past. I can't deal with my past. I can't hide from it.its haunting me.
My therapist says I wear a suit of armour to protect myself because that's what I learnt when I was a child. But what happens when the armour weighs too much for me to walk forward and yet at the same time, i don't know how to remove it?
Can all people be fixed? Do you think its possible that someone can be too damaged?
I think in beyond that.
My whole life was wrong. Not just one incident, or even 2 but my whole life. How fo yout even begin to get over things when everything you know is wrong.
Im ugly. I'm fat. Moody. Lazy. Im a horrible, horrible person. Inside and out.
My head is fucked on another level.
No one can ever be close to me because I don't allow it.
Fucked is what i am. There is no point to me anymore.
Ive got a list of things to complete (for others obviously) after that well god knows. Anyway, if yout even read this then I thank you, and I'm sorry. Moaning just as I always do.