The days continue to drag on. Sure there are moments of levity here and there, but overall things continue along the path of "what's the point?" Yesterday I found myself researching the various methods. Looking at what was is supposedly least painful vs. most, quickest vs. longest to die, etc. I know the point of some of the information was to contemplate the consequences of such a decision. But when you don't feel like you have a future, or the quality of life of the future will not be good, what is the point? Sure there are fleeting moments of "happiness", whatever that means, but it never lasts and feels artificial. Sure I've dated, but I've never experienced "true love". I can't imagine having a family, I'm too old to have my own kids. I've been on a number of medications over the years, every one seems to be a temporary reprieve if it doesn't produce unlivable side effects. Go talk to a therapist or counselor? I have talked many over the years, it is a joke. I doesn't help. We go in circles. I actually work with them in my job and it only goes to solidify my opinion of the profession. I've come on this site for just a short time. I don't why I have been logging in. I don't if I'm looking for something or delaying the inevitable. I am in a hole.