I really cant believe I'm writing this now, because i can hardly believe this is happening right now. But, well tonight my gf came online and said she wanted to be with me again, and it felt like all the horrible feels just melted away its all gone...all the sadness, the pain, all those thoughts of suicide...just went a way with a few simple words. I guess the pessimist in me wonders if this will ever happen again and all the horrible things will come back. Part of me worries that words from one person could mean so much that it could basically decide whether I'm happy or not. But for now, i will be happy that this is finally happening to me, i now have the opening to make some serious changes in my own thinking so that...if it ever does happen (oh god please don't happen again) i might be able to deal with it better. I want to thank you all for all the love and support you have given me through what has had to be the hardest time of my life. And I'm hoping i can stay, because i love you all so much, and i really want you all to be a part of my life. So i hope its okay if i stay here.