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In a lot of Pain..

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I'm waiting to see my therapist in about 3hrs.. But I hardly slept because I'm in a lot of pain right now.. I technically should have gone into the hospital this weekend, but I didn't.. And I'm trying to wait to see my therapist before I go in, because I really just cannot handle hospitals. :cry:

I can't take anything for this pain as it might make it worse.. But its all on my right side of my stomach and my right lower back.. And I guess this tensing up isn't helping.. I think I just need right now someone to help me wait through this until I see my therapist..

What happened this weekend wasn't really intentional and it's hard to explain... But here is also a link kinda explaining why I just can't go to hospitals.. :cry:


Any support right now is greatly appreciated..
can someone go with you if you think you have to go the hospital. or can you take your cellphone and stay on the line with the crisis line while you are in the waiting room? that way someone can help keep you calm and reassure you.

are you DID? just wondering if you were switching when you were in the hospital last time? kind of sounds like it.

I totally understand you. I was in hosp twice,didnt do anything for me except restrict me from Coke(the drink,not drug) which is all I drink,and they just played with arts and crafts. When I tried talking to the psych,she just said that I needed to hurry up in my session,and she didnt have time for endless conversation.

On my second visit,i admitted something that i did that could jeopardize mt job,and on my last day there,she and the social worker cornered me and threatened to not release me unless i told my boss. Thankfully I invoked my HIPPAA rights and stood up to them,and they had to let me go,but I will never forget how they bullied me when they were supposed to be helping me.

So yes, I get it-hosps dont work.

Im sorry that you are hurting.I am exactly where you are now. I have no words of comfort b/c i cant comfort myself,but just want you to know,I wish there was a way to stop this all.

PM me if you want mor candid discussion.


Well-Known Member
I have no clear diagnosis... I was able to see my doc tho.. And I don't have to go to the hospital or take any medications. I think it was actually an OK session.

We more talked about the cycles I am having of these things occurring.. Seems I cycle between these paranoid, over-thinking and impulsive times and being fine and motivated..

A lot of it still doesn't make sense, but I guess for the first time I was able to admit something to her that I've never told anyone.. And I feel bad about it actually.. I'm not sure why I do, but ever since I was a child I felt like I had to be someone important.. I think I started making up my own fantasies in my head to make me feel that importance as I haven't ever really felt important in my life.. Most of them having to do with saving the world or other people..

I think I just maybe set that goal too high and don't know how to feel like I matter. And tbh this is really hard for me to admit. :( And I feel so terrible about it.. I've not been making things up.. But I think subconsciously somehow I do.. Maybe to feel that "importance."

Anyway, Now that I got it out there.. sigh.. I feel so terrible.. And I do dissociate and I do have a lot of confusion.. I just think maybe it's because I have a learned behavior to over worry..

I'm sorry...
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