I know that each one of us are here with our own stories of how we got hurt, and in most cases we were not responsible for what happened and that makes it all the more difficult for us to digest what happened. A friendship of 6 years off last year moved to the next level of love last year , it was bliss for 8 months but now its all over. I changed my career, location and everything for a future with her and right now i am in a country where i have no one around because thats the country she is in . I know that just being here alone makes my suicide tendencies a lot more higher. I feel the futility of going on we broke up 2 months ago, nothing inspires me to go on infact its only getting worse , i notice that at least once in 2 days i suddenly feel overwhelmed, restless and i find myself crying in pain and i know that if i had a sure pill at that point which guaranteed i would die then i definitely would take it. I don't want to have a unsuccessful attempt at suicide and then left alive to suffer from the additional effects of that attempt. I love her very much and she used to love me too. I am hurt at the way she dumped me , we used to be proud at the level of love we had for each other. Now its just me with a mutilated heart. I dont want to go back to my parent country yet because i still live in hope that she would come back to me. I have been gradually trying to stop my self from communicating with her because it just becomes a blame game and for someone who has moved on the patience isnt really much and it only made things worse with her saying that she wanted me to stop emailing her and that i had to respect her decision to move on. I will be here for the next 2 years waiting for a miracle to happen but i guess its more for me to believe that i tried my best at it and that there is nothing more i can do because if i went back to my home country it would practically mean that i wouldnt i would have sealed the chances of a reunion. Anyways lets forget about the hope part right now because i know that right now i am very vulnerable and at the mercy of the mood cycles.