In a real mess

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Louisemarie, Mar 29, 2007.

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  1. Louisemarie

    Louisemarie New Member

    As I type this message, tears are streaming down my face, my eyes are so swollen from crying I can bearly see, I struggle to breath. My throat would be horse except the screaming is inside my head. I am screaming because I am in so much pain. I don't know who to turn to, it has been a long time since I last logged onto this forum, I thought I was fine, but obviously not because I have started to think about suicide once more, I haven't really thought about it since June 2006 and I am scared that suicde seems like the only option. I don't want to die, and yet I don't want to live. Every day I live with the fact that my Dad has terminal cancer, he is in termoil and talks about dying all the time and feeling ill, he asks me questions that I can't answer. Every little ache or pain he thinks maybe related to his illness and the doctors have told him that the pain isn't likely to be realted and yet he is constantly asking me what is going to happen. I try, I really try to help him but what it is doing to me inside living this 24 hours 7days a week is killing me. I don't know what is going to happen, and I know neither do you but this is tearing me apart. I am nearly three quarters way through studying an MA at Uni and it takes such a massive tole on my work. My head in bits and I can't concentrate, I feel like such a looser to be typing this message but I really don't have anyone to talk to, I would really apreciate your advice. thanks for reading Louise
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Aw sweetheart. It sounds like things are so hard for you at the moment. I am so sorry to read about your dad, that must be awful for you. Well done for reaching out to us for help. Hopefully you will find something form someone that will help you.

    Have you been to the doctor about how you are feeling? They can open up a world of help for you, like meds and/or therapies. You might find that having someone to talk to, ie about your dad and all the things going on, like a counsellor could really benefit you.

    I am not sure what country you are in, but if you are in the UK, there are charities like MIND and saneline that can point you to help in your area. Maybe you could google those and then contact them?

    Again, if you are in the UK, have you had any contact with the MacMillan nurses? They are a fantastic cancer related charity that can help both your father, and you, and any other family members in a lot of ways. they offer help and support, respite care, counselling, all sorts of different things that you might all benefit from. Again, if you google them, they can really help.

    Do you have any other family members that could help you with your dad? Maybe could he get some sort of support? If you are able to contact the MacMillan nurses they will be able to help him with his questions and fears. They are trained to deal with people with lots of questions, fears, pains and many other things.

    You sound like your MA is a HUGE struggle for you at the moment. Maybe you could defer some of the course. To give yourself some time to feel better and also time to deal with what is happening to your dad. You could take a break from your course and then pick it up when you re feeling better. If you talk to your tutor/s and also the student welfare people, they can help you and advise you what is best for you.

    If you ever need to talk, then feel free to PM me. I apologise if you are not in the UK, as this reply probably was not very hopeful, so I have to hope you are. But if you are not, then there will be charities and supprot groups in your area, I am sure, maybe you could look into it.

    Take care of yourself
  3. lilyao

    lilyao Active Member

    hey louise! im sorry to read what youre going though, i can give you an advice, when you talk to your dad dont cry or act like if youre scared ever if you are, this will give him strenght, tell him not to think about death, pain and everything he can feel , talk about other things like something good that happened to you during the day or something good from the past. i hope this helps, suicide is not the best option, theres people who love you and you can talk to me whenever you can.

    hope youre all right.

    Lily. and welcome to sf!
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