In a relationship and all I can think about is suicide.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Brittless, Jun 6, 2016.

  1. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    So... I've been dating this guy for over a year now. We've been through some very rough times but always pulled through. I mean we both have issues. Is it bad that all I can think about is my own misery, when we're together and in love and supposed to be happy? I feel like he always understands, no matter what shit I'm going through. Or my mood swings or low points. But is that fair on him? Should I really be with him? He says I'm everything to him but am I not just dragging him down with me? I have good days. I know that. But are the bad days worth it? What if eventually I make him end up hating life as much as I hate life? Is the noble thing to do to leave? He's all I have... and all I want. But I'm thinking I should branch out to others. That's why I'm here. So all the shit I'm going through doesn't land on his shoulders.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Depression is a very hard thing to cope with. Even if you have people in your life who make you happy, you may still feel bad. I am sure that your boyfriend loves you and wants the best for you. You don't need to feel like a burden, because he wants to be there for you. Don't break up because you feel that you are bringing him down. I am sure that he can understand what you are going through.
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Relationships are hard to deal with but you shared a lot with him. You being hard on yourself, he has stayed around you and that accounts for something. Ok, you are going through such a emotional roller coaster. It feels like deep down you really care about him and don't want to hurt him any more.

    He cares about and that's why he stays with you. Whatever happens please remain close as friends as you shared a lot. I strongly suggest that you go and see your doctor about your aniexty. It will help you to speak to someone and I think your boyfriend will be supportive of you as he cares. The cares he shows me that he deeply loves you and would not say what you stated if he had not meant it.

    Please from the bottom of my heart, do not do anything as we will help you get through this tough time. Life is important and also means YOU. I will be. Back later and will happy to continue this post reply. Any plans you have please forget about as we WILL HELP YOU. PLEASE KEEP POSTING AS WE CARE AND MOST IMPORTANT BE SAFE.

    Take care. Let the tears roll down as it releases the pain from within you feel. It's ok and don't worry now. We will help YOU as your are a very deserving person who needs our support.
  4. some_random_name

    some_random_name Well-Known Member

    I think that if he loves you he loves you for all of you. You said you have been through rough times together. That only makes a relationship strong if responded to in a healthy way. He still says he loves you and that your his everything. You must be important to him enough that he looks past any problems you have, and I'm sure you look past and help him with his problems. So I suggest staying together. How would you feel if he left is a good question to have. If you are both equally emotionally invested in the relationship how him leaving you would effect you, that same feeling would effect him. You guys sound like a strong relationship honestly. To go through hard time is good for a relationship because it makes it stronger. Strife leads to compromise. Also his shoulders should be good enough to hold what you bear but making knew friend is always a healthy option. Just remember we are here for you just post on here and let it out. Just remember to follow the rules. I didn't and I learned the hard way. Be safe.
    MinnBiker likes this.
  5. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    Thanks for the advice.
  6. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    Thanks Unknown. I don't have a doctor. Doctors aren't always at everyone's fingertips but thank you for your kind words.
  7. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    Yes, thank you. I shall see how it goes for now.
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  8. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Your welcome. I know you are hurting but keep posting as you know we care. Take care and importantly be safe.
  9. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    Does anyone ever start to feel down because their loved one is down? I guess that happens to people like me, people who thrive off of other people's energy. I can't show him that I'm down, that just invalidates his feelings. I want to make him happy and quite capable most of the time but sometimes it's like a tornado of melancholy between the two of us. I guess when you're depressed your mind sort of latches onto what it knows and starts to spiral into patterns of sadness, etc.

    Usually I start to think, what's wrong with me that I can't make him happy? Then what if that's what he thinks when I'm sad and upset all of the time? Does he think What's wrong with me that I can't make her happy? These thoughts lead me to feelings of guilt. And again I start to think should I really be with him or around anyone in this state of mind?

    I know that life isn't lived just for happiness but it can't be lived just for sadness. Losing each other would destroy both of us, but... what if I'm destroying him bit by little bit?
  10. vossler

    vossler New Member

    First of all don't ever think you're alone in the feelings you have. All of us have experienced similar thoughts and feelings. Life is a series of ups and downs, that's a given. It's how we respond to it that makes all the difference. For me Jesus Christ is my stability and within Him I am able to overcome all things. Does that mean I no longer experience the same ups and downs as when I wasn't a Christian? No, my relationship with Him doesn't ensure a smooth ride, however what it does do is give me a sense of purpose and understanding. It isn't easy because the cares of this world always want to take precedence, however through prayer and study of God's word I am know able to see things much more clearly and therefore see my purpose in any given situation.

    So how does this relate to you? Well if you're not a unfortunately doesn't. However the good news is that can easily be rectified. In the meantime listen to your own words "He's all I have... and all I want." If this is true then live it out as if it were and don't open yourself up to doubting it.
  11. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    Thanks for taking the time to reply. I am not of the Christian faith, a well considered decision on my part. I do not believe there is anything that needs to be rectified because I simply do not have faith in the religion. Through my journey I have found faith in other things that are much more real to me. My purpose presents itself to me in other ways. I appreciate that you are a Christian and respect that, but I would ask you to not imply that being anything other than a Christian is an error here on my thread.

    I remember those thoughts everyday, that he's all I have and all I want. I just hope that is enough. Thank you.
    Take care.
  12. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi Brittless - preaching is not allowed on this forum and I am sorry that happened to you. I would delete the post but you replied to it so eloquently that I am going to leave it - the member will not be preaching any further at people however.

    You say you do not have a doctor - you need to get one. While Obama care sucks in a lot of ways, it does mean that it is now more expensive not to get medical insurance than it is to get it, with the fines in place, and if you do not have a job/income at all then you at least have good enough free coverage to see a GP. I can see that you love your boyfriend very much and the best thing you can do for yourself, for him, and for your relationship is to see a doctor and get some treatment for your suicidal ideation.

    In response to your question about whether people get low when their partner is low - I think if you love someone it is impossible NOT to feel low if they are low. Empathy just works that way.

    I think in the end whether or not being with you is detrimental to him, is his call and you should give him the respect of believing that he is capable of making that decision for himself. You are worth loving and feeling depressed and suicidal does not stop that being true.
  13. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    Thank you for looking out Freya.

    You are talking about free coverage and it is something I have never encountered or been told of to look into from all the doctors I have seen. At this point I would LOVE to get help, but I cannot add financial crisis to list of my problems. If there is something free out there, or something very low cost I would certainly jump on it because unfortunately not getting help has made me weaker than asking for it. I am ill with a disease and I need more medical help than you realize, so the costs add up. This is why I avoid doctors.

    It is true, but I'd rather be a light for him, than propel his sadness.

    You are right. It is his call and selfish for me to make it. Thank you for making some valid points.


  14. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am going to PM you a phone number to call.