I've been trying to think on how to open my first post on this site, each first sentence sounding trite, jovial or insincere. I've just turned 31 and my marriage has broken down completely due to problems on both sides. In a fit of anger, I told my Wife that I hated her and never wanted to speak to her again. She has taken me at my word despite knowing that I jump off of the deep end and doesn't want anything further to do with me. We were making a good effort at being friends and things were really looking up despite the marriage failing. She is my best friend and gives me emotional support and guidance. I am absolutely devastated that she doesn't want to be a part of my life and that I have caused here so much hurt and pain. I feel like I need to be punished for hurting her. I want this pain to stop and the only way I can thing of it ending is by saying "Goodbye". If I had a gun, I think there would be times where I'd be ready to use it. Life is never easy, but sometimes you just cannot imagine how hard it can get.