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In a whirlpool to oblivion?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by confused, Feb 21, 2011.

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  1. confused

    confused Member

    Ready for a story? Things are just getting on top of me, my life seems to be crumbling away. I was in a good job, Resources Manager for Scotland with a rail company, pulling in good money until the company got the centralisation bug. All managerial posts at local level vapourised . . . . compulsory redundancy just over 3 years ago. OK I thought, took a break then entered the jobs market, that's when I discoved the effects of the recession on the job market and that my skills were very industry specific, nobody else wanted them and there's no positions in the industry I was in.

    The only job I have been able to get is driving for a local taxi company, long hours and a laughable income. Now in deep financial trouble, lapsing in and out of depression, gone from bringing in good money to being on the verge of losing the house, can't even support my wife to take some of the pressure off her, reduce the hours she is working. My wife was always my rock but she's just announced that she doesn't feel the same way about me as she did, my fault, I haven't been paying her the attention she deserves. I have this habit of keeping things to myself, always have, bearing all the pressure and stress myself. Since being made redundant I have withdrawn into myself and that affected every part of our relationship. I feel so utterly useless, a failure and that she, and the rest of the world, would be better off without me.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Nobody would be better off without you. I know it's a struggle right now, and I wish I had some sort of advice to give. Just offering a listening ear if you ever want to talk.
  3. redemptian

    redemptian Member

    sry about your job, since i'm not living in scotland or in the uk at all i don't know what to say.
    now about your relationship " you really think by commiting suicide you'd do your wife a favor" if so how you even ended up marrying??? i think the thing you need to do, in her favor is not treating her like a stranger, i am not suggesting crying in front of her, but just don't hide everythng you are feeling, i mean common that your wife after all, she certainly knows what's going on, show her you trust her, give her the opppturnity to support you through this hard time.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2011
  4. confused

    confused Member

    Thanks for the encouraging words. I know people would miss me and suicide isn't the answer but I can't stop the thoughts in my mind, very dark at times. Keep thinking about how but I don't like pain! Would never step in front of a train as I had that happen to me when I was a train driver. My wife was my anchor through this difficult time but after what she said I feel I'm drifting.

    My hobby/pocket money business is working on guitars, repairs, modifications etc. Used to love it but now find it very hard to motivate myself to do it, to do anything really. Not sleeping well, not eating well, constant acid, suspect I'm getting an ulcer if I haven't got one already!

    I wish life was like a Windows operating system, "System Restore", take your life back to when things were better, Lot of decisions I would change :biggrin:
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    *nods* Yesterday I was wishing for my brain to be like a hard drive, where you could delete certain information from its memory if you wanted to. So I can relate to that!
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Instead of keeping things to yourself, why don't you talk to your wife about it? surely she will understand :hug:
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