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In crisis

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Sambuca, Feb 24, 2008.

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  1. Sambuca

    Sambuca New Member

    I'm new to this forum, and have never really gone looking for help, but tonight, I think I really need it.
    I am an 18 year old male who pretty much just hit the breaking point.
    I am currently in school and pledging a fraternity.
    Throughout my life, even in elementary school, I was depressed. High school basically sucked, but I got through it just being a loner and staying to myself and a close group of friends.

    Once college came along, it was a clean slate, one of the first nights, I met this beautiful girl and have been hanging out with her since. Tonight, I finally told her how I felt and asked if she ever had similar feelings. (What pushed me to say something was that she asked how I would feel about her acting on her feelings for the president of the fraternity, one of my closest friends.) She said that it really bothered her that I am one of the nicest guys she's ever known, and she needs me as a "best friend."

    I took the news well enough, and continued to hang out with her, then continued with what I had to do for the night. It hadn't really hit me until I was walking back to my room from the frat house. I wasn't sure what I felt. It was this numb, unsure feeling. I broke a lighter, put a cigarette out on my arm, then went inside. When I got back to my room, I burned myself again, to focus on something else. I've been off prozac for about a month now, and have been doing fine. But once I tried to go to sleep, I found that I couldn't. I can't stop thinking about suicide. Different methods keep running through my head and I can't get to sleep. I took 15mg of prozac, the amount that I was on before I stopped, in hopes of feeling better in the morning. I still couldn't sleep, I keep wanting to send out a text message telling people that my suicide is not their fault. I just want to stop these thoughts from going through my head.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sorry to read about how sad you are feeling... rejection is always gonna suck. when you were on the prozac before were you getting counselling? i ask 'cos maybe you coudl give 'em a call and tell them that your suicidal feelings are back.

    in terms of the immediate crisis, i use all kinds of ways to stop the looping thoughts and fantasies as well as self-harm... i go for a long walk / run (at least an hour, but never by the river in case the urge to jump presents itself...), i play scrabble or scramble online, i hang out in the chat room here, i email friends, i watch music videos on youtube, call samaritans or the suicide help line, try to breath and tell myself that i just have to hang on 15 more minutes, then 15 more, until morning when the worst of the urges have usually past.

    there's a sep. thread here on self-harm and they have some good distractions, too. i read there about how these feelings usually come in waves, and every wave you stand up in makes you stronger for the next one. every time you feel this despair, and don't burn yourself, or attempt suicide, makes you stronger for next time.

    thinking of you,

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