in crisis

[_Lily_]

Am in crisis ..its coming up for good Friday ...a lot of ritual abuse happened to me on good Friday over the years as child and teen and I feel that am not able to cope with it at all.
This morning i wanted drink and ended up having an augment with my husband about it. Tonight i am going to an AA meeting my first with in the last week and 2 days i have been missing them out because of social anxiety.
Right now i want to rip into my arms and really cut deeply .
My husband is sleeping at the moment as he only went to bed at 4.40am and i woke him about wanting a drink at 7 am
he has had hardly any sleep and he is struggling himself with wanting to self injure
The fact he wants to self injure is my fault i have been putting pressure on him with me wanting to drink all the time and he is my carer as well as my husband he has to make sure the pills are all safe so i dont OD on them, he has to make sure that i take my pills on time and deal with me when am having a hard time with my mental health and self injury
He deal with so much of my shit ...he would be better of with out me.
During the argument things were said that i didn't mean and he got really upset about it and made him think of the past he was so upset that he was shaking and close to cutting
This is my fault
Just because i cant handle a fucking date
am pathetic.

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi B..you are not pathetic, you are scared...and when we are scared and in pain, we do things we regret...I am sure that he loves you and that he and you can repair what has happened...there is no one here who does not have problems, and I think it is a hard lesson, but one worth it, to see how to begin to forgive what we have done...I am truly a work in progress on this one...glad you posted and hope you are doing better...J

 

[dazzle11215]

i am sorry that the date is coming up. i am sure it must be terrifying. have you read faith allen's blog? she is a survivor of ritual abuse and maybe some of her posts will be helpful to you. it's at http://faithallen.wordpress.com/

we say many things we don't mean when we are hurt and angry. i hope your partner understands this. when you have both calmed down a bit maybe you can apologize and ask if you can start fresh.

going back to AA sounds like a good plan. you will need all the support you can get in teh week ahead. do you have a therapist? maybe you can schedule an extra session.

i'll be holding you in my though

 

[icequeen]

B&B..first of all i would like to say its not your fault...you didnt ask for what happened to you and no way are you pathetic, easter is a significant date just from a religious perspective, for you it is significant reminder of dreadful things that happened. i am sure we all have dates that trigger us, but i dont believe for one minute that you should in any way feel bad for struggling to deal with the reminder of it. your husband has obviously been supportive and yes he has his own issues and as the others have said we all say things in the heat of the moment, but its hardly like a normal argument, you had a real basis for how you felt and i am sure deep down your hubby will know this...sit down and talk to him...explain how bad you feel, but do not feel pathetic or inadequate, you are both allowed to feel bad, and i doubt either one of you makes each other feel bad on purpose. TALK! :console: