It's been a very up and down day or two.Emotions swinging this way and that. currently i am back in my hotel room, not particularly upset, but very very very tempted to end my life.I'm trying to ground myself in the reality that death is forever. that just like my friend who took her own life two months ago, that once you die you don't come back. I'm trying to think of the people i'd hurt and disappoint. I'm trying to think about all i have going for me. but this urge is out of control. my parents are still awake but i cannot wait for when they fall asleep so i can sit on the balcony, look down, and wonder about death. i feel like i'm in danger, but i don't want to call my therapist in case she says go to the hospital, which i have had very bad experiences with and absolutely cannot handle. i don't know what i want. i guess one thing i want is to not be alone.
Megan
Megan