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In debt and feeling so burdened

#1
Hi. Plain and simple, I am currently 7,200 usd in debt. I know that's not much compared to other people's debt, but I feel incredibly burdened by this situation.
We have moved to MX to try to keep our cost of living down, I am right across the border so I thought maybe I could eventually find a job in San Diego and commute to try to make some money. But this Covid situation made commuting across a border very hard and I have a lot of anxiety in retail jobs anyway, which is what I am qualified to do in the US. I never went to college, and I regret it so much. I found a job here in Tijuana, it's an office job and I like it, but it only pays me 400 usd a month. Worst part is, I haven't told my partner about the debt and I am so fearful because he is very financially responsible and I am so afraid to dissappoint him. I have kept it hidden for so long and I just feel this heavy weight on my back and I can't breathe when I think about it. I am not really scared of him leaving or being angry with me because of the debt so much, but I am scared of how dissappointed he will be if he knows I have lied to him for this long, when he values trust and communication so much in our relationship. He has an online job and isn't making much himself, enough to keep us comfortable and provide for what we need (us and our three rescue dogs).

This is the single worst thing I have ever done. It feels like I am drowning in a glass of water. I see the interest adding up and adding up and I panic every time I check. I don't qualify for any loans since I make so little money, and I tried applying for a balance transfer card so I would have more time to pay without interest and they rejected me. I was in denial for a long time and now I have to face it and honestly, I'd rather close my eyes and never wake up again, that is how much this petrifies me. I hate this.
 

Were all together

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Welcome to the forum. I think the best thing to do is, be upfront with your other half. Waiting much longer would only prolong the problem and make matters worse. This way both of you can make a financial plan out to pay down the debt. 7200 really isn't that much. But, once the interests add up, it can quickly get out of control. Another option you may have is, contact those you owe the money to. They will usually work with you on a payment plan or forego any interest charges.
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#3
Hi there,

Being in debt, goes without saying can be an incredibly stressful thing. However, avoiding the situation is not really the best of moves. As already mentioned here, let your partner be aware of the situation, I know it may seem a difficult step to make, but it's better you telling him yourself rather than running the risk of him finding out himself. Take a look at your finances, try to see where any expenses can be cut as that can help to rest back some form of financial control. Just as importantly or even more so, contact your creditor(s) be honest and upfront with them with regards to informing them of your finacial difficulties. They would rather be informed of difficulties in making payments so that a payment plan can be set up rather than having to drop the hammer when confronted with a wall of silence.

I understand that this is an incredibly daunting situation, but it can be worked through.

Wishing you the best.
 
#4
Thank you, both. I know in my heart that I need to tell him the truth, I am honestly just so tired of being alone in this situation.
I start crying every time I think of it though, it's really hard to muster up the courage.

It is all credit card debt. Bad financial decisions from when I was depressed, some medical stuff, and just expenses that were hard to pay in full when there wasn't a lot of money coming in. So I doubt I could contact them and ask for a break, unfortunately. I have always paid my minimum, but it is the interest that has piled up and made me lose control that's killing me.

Thank you. I am trying to get the courage to have that conversation.
 
#7
So, I think this was the push I really needed and I came clean tonight. And...it wasn't the end of the world. He was just a little hurt that I lied to him, but he assured me we will figure it out and told me everybody makes mistakes. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I still feel terrible for letting it get out of hand. This has made me feel very stupid and it will never let it happen again. But I don't feel like the world is swallowing me, and at least I can breathe a little better, for now. Thank you to those who replied.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
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SF Supporter
#8
I did actually - some years ago now - and it was a really really great decision to be honest. I filed with an attorney and it was worth every single cent. They explain how to get the fees from the money you've got right now (or they did to me). And if your credit is already messed up then you aren't losing much.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#9
I'm really glad to see you talked to him about this. That's really brave. People come here in this situation fairly often and genuinely think it's the end of the world - but it's not. It can sure feel like it though. I'm glad it's working out.
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#10
That's great that you've brought this out into the open with him as that's the first step to make I guess in terms of getting the ball rolling. I was wondering if it's worth you considering getting professional advice on how to manage your debt?
 
#11
Thank you so much, we will be looking into our finances and talking about our options today. I slept well for the first time since I started feeling so guilty about this. We will definitely consider all your advice moving forward. Will be sticking around the forum, thank you for welcoming me warmly and without judgment.

 
#12
You might be able to get some credit counseling that would help you.

You might want to try visiting 211.org or calling 211. It's a little tricky because you are living in Tijuana, but you might be eligible for services since you're a US citizen, or if you happen to be in the US when you call.

I just found this, but it looks legit (it was mentioned in a Consumer Reports article).

https://www.nfcc.org/
The National Foundation for Credit Counseling

I hope something can help
 
#13
You might be able to get some credit counseling that would help you.

You might want to try visiting 211.org or calling 211. It's a little tricky because you are living in Tijuana, but you might be eligible for services since you're a US citizen, or if you happen to be in the US when you call.

I just found this, but it looks legit (it was mentioned in a Consumer Reports article).

https://www.nfcc.org/
The National Foundation for Credit Counseling

I hope something can help
Oh, thank you, thank you! I will look into all the options.
 

Katie1984

Active Member
#15
I was £4000 in debt and it ruined my life.
Every month after paying my rent and paying my debts I would have to live off bread and water every day. It was killing me.

I eventually looked into it and saw that if I maintained my current wages and expenditures it would take 23 YEARS to pay off.

I declared myself bankrupt.
I can't even get a phone contract now but the burden on debt is gone.
I can eat proper food and live a normal life.

Give it a thought maybe? :)
 

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