in doubt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Auriana, Mar 31, 2014.

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  1. Auriana

    Auriana New Member

    After 2 attempts in the last 8 months and starting therapy... I cannot shake this feeling that the only reason I didn't try (and succeed) a third time is because of other people.
    I have the feeling I'm forced to stay alive, not because I have loads of reasons to live (because i don't), but because people around me don't want to let me go. And now I'm just here because of other people, eventhough I'm really f*cking tired.. Can someone help me deal with this? Maybe help me to start living for myself again?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you are starting therapy as this will enable you to start looking at yourself and healing inside until then it does not hurt to have people who care for you and do not want you to leave. Use them for now to hold on and to keep fighting ok until you can live for yourself hugs
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I think most of us start the road to recovery in the same way that we start the road into depression -- by only thinking of other people. I do not think it is a bad thing if you use it as a tool to push forward to that next appt or small goal. Use there refusing to let go as the energy to keep trying but recognizing that you are doing something just for others will inevitably result in you thinking about the things you could be doing for yourself instead.

    Maybe today or this week or for few months the only thing that occurs you want to do for yourself is die, but start looking for the little things you want to do for yourself during the day that you can't because you are busy doing something for somebody else and then make the choice to do that thing for yourself instead. Practicing choosing to do for yourself on those little things will get you in the habit of remembering to do things for yourself and pretty soon it will be the big things you are doing for yourself - like living and allowing yourself to be happy.
     
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