in love with love.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unregisteredka8, Dec 15, 2007.

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  1. I'm so lonely. I need love. I yearn for someone just to love me, to think about me, to just want me. This is so lame. I can't believe I want this so bad. I lie in bed at night and cry my eyes out because I don't have love. I used to tell myself that love was for fools, that I was above all of this, but now here I am crying my eyes out. I can't believe how lonely I am. How desperate I am. It always seems like so little to want, but it's so big. People are closed. They only share that with a very select few. I'll never belong to any select few. I'm just so fucking lonely. I would never admit this in real life. I don't want to be that gushy lonely person in love with love. I try to convince myself that my suicidal thoughts stem from deeper issues, but I think the ultimate truth is, i'm just so very fucking lonely. I think we all are, we're just too proud to admit it. Admit that something so foolish can rule us so completely. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. Hide what I want. Distract with stupid pointless hobbies. Hope that time will pass quickly enough that love will just be another chore I forgot to take care of...I only wish. I'm trapped inside this neverending emotional nightmare and there aren't any pills to solve it. I don't know what to do anymore. God help me.
     
  2. mackya99

    mackya99 Member

    I completely understand what you're going through. Loneliness is a killer. The very sad thing is even when I was in a relationship that really never took away all the emptiness I feel. I believe there really is no way to feel not alone.
     
  3. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    :hug:

    I agree, to be loved/wanted is like nourishment and when you don't have that or things in the past or present mean that you don't feel/scared of feeling loved, that kind of loneliness can tear you apart.

    I also know what you mean about people choosing the select few. It is harsh.

    I hope this makes you feel less alone, if only for a second. I understand.
     
  4. mackya, yes I know exactly what you mean when you say being in a relationship still doesn't fill that emptiness...don't know what else to say (been typing crap for the last hour) I guess all I can say is, feeling lonely with someone is better than feeling lonely alone, from what I've realized anyway.
     
  5. grei

    grei Well-Known Member

    Oh man.. I remember what it feels like to be so lonely that it physically hurts. I would so crave for someone to just hold me... I'm a lot better now that I have been in a relationship (yes, one :p), but even then/now I have nights where I can't sleep because I just feel so empty and alone.

    I agree with you, though, feeling lonely with someone is better than feeling lonely with no one. At least then it kind of dulls the pain.
     
  6. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear of your problems. I know exactly what its like to be alone, but believe me when I say that it will only last for a short time. There is someone out there for everyone, and you're just waiting to be snatched up and whisked away by some mystery lady. After that, you'll feel silly for being so down about being lonely and will cherish every moment you spend with this girl.

    I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to.
     
  7. Veclord

    Veclord Active Member

    The author to this thread hit at home for me. To just imagine a person you dream of and to walk the streets never seeing a girl that even looks close. And if you finally do, she's already with someone else.

    Nothing could throw your mind downward like a vertical roller coaster to reach out for a person who isn't there or doesn't exist. I pray that your pain is answered and that the result brings you joy that far surpasses the hurt and disappoint you've had to endure. I will pray for your dream to exist. I ask one favor in return, friend. Pray that I meet my dream also.
     
  8. Thanks Deathly Strike, it would be nice to be whisked away someday by a mystery lady...if I was a man :S Although, maybe it's about time I considered lesbianism. I understand what you're saying though, but I find it incredibly hard to imagine that one day someone great will just come into my life. I'm not exactly young anymore, and most people don't approach loners. In fact, as I'm writing this, I'm sure men are being turned off by it right now. Another thing is, I would like to believe that my lonliness will only last a short while, but I've been in this state for as long as I can remember, I would say a long excrutiating 15+ years. The first time I attempted suicide, it was over being lonely...now that I recall. I mean, is there really someone out there for everyone? Or do most of us settle? And what about those who never find that someone, or even someone to settle with? What happens to all the lonely nameless people who spend the rest of thier lives without love?
    Veclord, I don't know what your dream-girl looks like, but I'll pray that you find her, even though I don't believe in a god or any of that, I have prayed before and strange things have happened, so I'll pray for you. I don't have a "dream-man" that I long for and that real men can't live up to. I just want kindness and understanding and love. yes, love.
     
  9. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    I know all about what ya mean. It's actually the biggest thing that keeps me down and out. Just always thinking, watching, and usually never talking / socializing. It's not really because I'm shy. I'm actually just always talking myself down, and I usually make myself nervous because everything I do imperfect stands out. Even if it's minimal, the more time I spend in situations like that actually trigger me faster and faster.:unsure:

    But I sometimes want the same thing you do, just one person maybe to keep my sanity with. I'm usually a die hard loner, and do everything by myself, and am independant. But A little company never hurt. I can't be around alot of people all the time, it's too much 'weight' on me, for some reason. But just one, one for good would be great.

    Just someone to come home to, I guess :sad:

    I feel for you, and I'm sorry you have to feel that way. I've been down that road and back again, and it never goes away. You never get used to it...
     
  10. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I kind of know what you mean, OP..I'm around if you want to talk. :hug:
     
  11. Xibyll, everything you said is exactly how I feel. And yes, one for good would be really great. Just one is all I need. It must be too much to ask.
     
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