I'm really sorry if this seems at all immature or childish as I'm just 16, but I've loved this boy for a year. He says he considers me one of his best friends, but the way he treats me says otherwise. Whenever we're alone together, he's constantly looking for somebody else to hang out with or completely disregards my presence and he never cares about my feelings really. It hurts how much he cares for other people over me. He knows I love him and he pushes me away and ignores me for this. Worse than that, he was my first kiss, first hook up, first everything sexually (and I was his first everythings). To me all these things are incredibly special and intimate but to him, it means nothing romantically. He's told me he doesn't like me and it's so obvious too in how he treats other girls in comparison to me. I think about him 24/7 and I care about him so much. I'm so attached and the way he treats me practically decides the mood I am in. He hurts me so much all the time. He flirts with my best friend even though she has a boyfriend. He treats me like an annoying appendage he wants to get rid of. I don't know how to get rid of my feelings for him. I've tried blocking him out and limiting my contact with him but I end up missing him. I've tried acting confident in that I don't need him, but he doesn't notice or change his behavior. I've tried just getting drunk (which works as I do forget about him) but it just makes me feel more depressed. I've even talked to him about this, but he just shrugs it off and doesn't care. Why do I love someone like that? My best friend asks me this constantly and I really don't know. I love his personality, his intelligence, (we're co-salutatorians of our graduating class), his passion for Physics, the way he writes, his music taste, and the incredible amount of similarities between us. I love what he values and his honesty and his view on life. Everything is perfect but when he see's me, I'm just a sad dark tumor attached to him. He's not that attractive, but somehow over time I've fallen in love with his quirks and idiosyncrasies and overall with him. And it's about impossible to stop these feelings for him. I really don't know what to do. I'm a Junior, so I mean I only have one year left with him (provided we don't go to the same university .. but we may as we're looking at the same schools and our resumes and qualifications are extremely similar). But I'm worried as I won't be able to detach myself in the future. This same scenario could happen all over again but to a greater extent later. I don't know what to do. I definitely would not say I'm depressed. I cry over him a lot and cut myself a couple times when I find out he ditched me for another girl, but I'm not depressed. I can still distract myself and have fun with others. I've been depressed before as I was sexually abused as a child by my babysitter and memories started coming back of it my freshman year, but I think I'm past that. The word obsessed has such a negative connotation and I REALLY don't want to say I'm obsessed but I might well be with him.