In love with two people?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by destroythesethoughts, Oct 24, 2012.

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  1. destroythesethoughts

    destroythesethoughts Active Member

    I never thought it was possible to be in love with two people. But I'm starting to feel like maybe I could be in love with two people. I'm torn between my best friend, that I've known for 6 years. He's finally showing signs that he may like me. And I've always had such strong feelings for him. I'm just afraid that if we become a couple, it could put our friendship at risk. And I can't lost him since he's my only real friend. Then there's this guy that I've known for about a month. I'm not IN LOVE with him but i do like him a lot.

    So basically I'm just wondering if anyone could give me some advice on what I should do? I'd love the help!!
  2. Emily Rose

    Emily Rose Member


    It sounds like you have a risky choice to make. I can't tell you who to pick because I don't know the people involved nor do I know the feelings. But from the way it sounds you have many feelings and emotions for your best friend! He's been there for years and you know him more than the other guy. You have to think of certain things. It's an elimination process, you see? Who will be there the most when you need him? Who do you know the best? Who do you feel safer and more comfortable around? On the other hand, if you take the chance of being with your best friend things could end up wrongly. It's just a possibility. Your friendship with him could change afterwards, like you said. You said yourself you can't lose him. How well do you known this other guy? Would he be there for you and does he want a serious relationship? Does your best friend want a serious relationship? You have to look for signs. If either of them are thinking about other girls than you need to be careful so no problems start. The best relationships are those that started with friends. You are friends with both of these guy's so your doing great :) In the end, it's up to you! Theres only one thing you can do. Follow YOUR heart.

    ~Emily Rose
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    do you believe yourself to be in or are either of them likely to have the expectation that you are in a committed relationship right now? If it is dating and learning about each and all are on the same level I am not certain anything has to be done "now". It is not unreasonable to date with more than one person so long as it is not being deceptive or portrayed as something else, in which case things have a way of sorting themselves out over time as you become more sure of your feelings and they become more sure of theirs. Also, it sounds vaguely possible that the one has been a friend long enough that you may be able to discuss it some with him to get a better idea of what his thoughts are....
  4. destroythesethoughts

    destroythesethoughts Active Member

    I think as of right now, I want to sit down and see how my best friend feels. I'm comfortable enough with him that I know we can talk about this. I'm afraid of being disappointed though. I really think that's holding me back right now..
  5. Emily Rose

    Emily Rose Member

    " I think as of right now, I want to sit down and see how my best friend feels. I'm comfortable enough with him that I know we can talk about this. I'm afraid of being disappointed though. I really think that's holding me back right now.. " [/QUOTE]

    Hey ! You can't be afraid of the unknown. Everyone goes through this at one point of there lives. We like a guy but we don't want to be left down or disappointed if he doesn't share the same feelings. It's a risk you have to take. But you need to know if he has feelings for you before you make that move so he doesn't take it as a huge surprise. Take it slow. But you can't let fear hold you back. You have to jump sometimes. And this guy sounds like he's a keeper. You really care for him and I say go for it! Goodluck! Tell him you both need to talk and make it happen. I hope it works our for you :)

    ~Emily Rose
  6. BandAid

    BandAid Member

    Well, do tell...........the suspense is creeping up
  7. destroythesethoughts

    destroythesethoughts Active Member

    I haven't done anything yet... hahaha.
  8. destroythesethoughts

    destroythesethoughts Active Member

    I think I'm just going to give up and be lonely for the rest of my life. I can get 70 cats.

    Good idea right? :p
  9. BandAid

    BandAid Member

    No, don't become a cat lady.

    You know when you lose your car keys, and you're looking, and you're searching, and you check the same place like 30 times...? You begin thinking "All hope is gone, I'm never finding these keys!"........The next morning you come downstairs and BAM, they are sitting right there. You found them.......because you stopped looking for them.

    Good luck!
  10. Calvin_xc1

    Calvin_xc1 Member


    It sounds like a risk/reward issue mainly, with the new guy being the lowest risk (not much to endanger with only a month into things), but the lowest reward (you sound uncertain exactly how into him you are). Your long-standing friend seems higher risk (potential endangerment of the long-standing established friendship) but higher reward (you sound like you have a strong sense of how you feel). Then there's the crazy cat lady option, which has no risk and no reward (at least on this scale).

    Coming from alt. lifestyle I can propose a fourth option: pursue both, openly and honestly. It fly's in the face of modern social norms and fits into 'mostly uncharted territory' land, but if you're really interested in both of them then it's a way to find out. This would be the highest risk/reward though. Risk in that it's socially frowned on and there's not much support for someone in that situation (unless you know where to look), reward being in that it's possible to 'have your cake and eat it too,' plus the psychic value of not playing the zero-sum-winner-takes-all love game where someone has to get hurt.

    It really boils down to how much risk do you want to take for however much reward you want to shoot for.

    Good luck on your decision!
  11. destroythesethoughts

    destroythesethoughts Active Member


    I found out that the new guy, has a girlfriend LOL. He was playing me and two other girls at where I work. Total bullsh*t huh?
    So I ended up talking to my best friend and he admitted that he's had feelings for me for quite some time now and that he'd like to pursue a relationship with me :D

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