In need of advice

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anonymous93, Jun 15, 2010.

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  1. anonymous93

    anonymous93 New Member

    I am feeling suicidal at the moment, but have decided that instead of instantly ending my life seek out reasons not to. this has brough me here.

    to summarize what makes me feel the way i do

    first of all its my family.
    my mother is a nice lady, whom doesnt seem to understand me quite well but isnt mean in any way, its my father i dislike
    he constantly uses verbal harassment against me, and at rarer occasions (but still often enough for me to remember the last time in detail) use physical harassment such as punching me (with open/closed hand,, differs depending on his mood)
    he also has a tendancy to humiliate me infront of my friends, on purpose i persume because i doubt someone in their right state of mind would tell stories about how their failed son wasnt able to find to XX or to lift up XX or to fix a XX or w/e.
    he is also a drug addict, which is why my mother left him. i am however not sure if he is still taking it or if he quit since im to scared to ask him. i do know however that he had been taking drugs a few years before i was born, and continued to take untill i was maybe 10 or 11 years old, after this i do not know for a fact if he has quit or not.
    i spend my life at my fathers, because he and my mother is divorced since maybe 7 years back, not that this pleases him, he continued to harass her resulting in her moving away from the country (still in the same continent however) that happend a few years ago.
    so now i spend my entire time at my father, which is manageable although highly annoying.

    thats 1

    the second reason is an event which occured pretty recently.. infact the final act of this event happened maybe less than an hour ago from me starting to write.

    the girl i was inlove with and has been for 4 years (which equals a quarter of my entire life) recently dumped me. and since we went to the same school we had the same friends, and after some fighting (which was mostly my fault (even thus she and me never spoke in this)) all my friends i had (but 1 who remained neutral) decided that i was a jackass and she was a god (not that i disagree, which is possibly a reason to why i am thinking as i am rightnow).

    this ultimatly leaves me right now, with absolutly no joyful things to do on my spare time (summer break who-ho..) and a constantly annoying father to back it up.
    the girl i loved was the only thing that kept me away from suicide thoughs, but with her gone i cant see a reason to continue, thats why im turning here for help.
    if you do read this then either
    A: post possibly reasons for me not to end my life or
    B: classy ways to infact end my life

    i will give this post a week, maybe more before i make up my mind about what to do. i do realise none of you have any reason to care about me, but if you are willing to point out things that would change my mind, it would most probably be appreciated.
    also i hope no one here finds this as an annoying or unneccesary thread, if you do report this to a admin/mod instead of whining in the thread.. have a nice day
  2. mmd

    mmd Member

    Break ups are the worst., they seriously can send you off the edge. But you've got a lot of living left to do...and believe it or not there will be another girl that you develop feelings for. If you enjoyed being with her -- and it sounds like you did -- think of how great that capacity to love can be after you've experienced more and gotten to know someone even better. Let the hope for better times fuel you.

    I'm sorry to hear about your father and his abuses toward you.....any other family members you can stay with if you reached out to them? I know that makes your life really hard right now, but someday you'll be able to design any life you want, live by yourself or with friends.....and there will be a lot of good times.

    Good luck.
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, anonymous93. It sure sounds like you're going through a rough spot. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now. :hug:

    Well, your questions...I'll start with your second one because no one here on Suicide Forum will offer you any help with "classy ways" (or any other kind of ways) to end your life. We are a pro-life forum and we don't allow discussion about specific methods of self-harm or suicide.

    All right...reasons not to hurt or off yourself.

    Choosing suicide would be an extreme decision. I can tell you feel really bleak (OK, downright awful) at the moment. It's not easy to believe things will improve when we are in the middle of a bad time. However, when we are in emotional turmoil, we simply don't see things clearly, so we tend to make bad choices. I hope you can continue to hold on and see if things look better when you feel a little calmer.

    I'm sorry about the way your father treats you. If your father is abusive towards you, can you get any help from Child Welfare/Family Services or whatever the agency in your area is? Do you have any other relatives in your country you could move in with, instead? Have you talked to a teacher or a friend's parent about how your father treats you?

    It's too bad that you and your girlfriend have broken up. Sounds like she was a first real love for you. She'll always be special because she was your first love, but I'll bet you'll have a few more girlfriends in your life.

    The "friends" in your group...The ones who were really your friends to begin with will come around again. Give them some time. When the next gossipy thing happens in the group, your issues with this girl will take a back seat. The people who don't come around eventually, are probably not very mature, and you know, you really don't need them if they're going to be like that.

    If your father is going to be on your case a lot, maybe you could find things to do that keep you away from him as much as possible. What do you enjoy doing...Sports? Music? Movies? Are there any clubs or organized groups that you're interested in? Could you get a summer job?

    I hope you'll consider staying around. Give life a chance to get better before deciding you'd rather be dead. Please stay safe.

  4. anonymous93

    anonymous93 New Member

    I do not understand the Underlined part of the quote, and thing is i cant think of anyone better, she was all i could think about. everyday i had her in my head, and i only wished the best for her, and i dont think i can ever do that to someone else.
    I mean, even after 4 years, 1461 days (yes i was obsessed with her.. dont judge me) i still wished for her to have it better off than me. and i fail to find a scenario where i will think like that again, towards anyone.

    No, i do not have any other family members in my homecountry, and i do not wish to move to my mother, because for some reason (which i myself dont understand) my father came and terrorized her back when i was living with her shortly after they divorced. And i would rather not see that happend again.

    EDIT: due to fail quote

    The reason i do not search for help from any child welfare/family service is that they would most probably decide for me to live full time with my mother, which would in time make my father come there and harass/terrorize her (atleast so i think due to earlier experience), and that is something i do not wish for her. especialy since she has done nothing wrong.

    Also, forgive me for any miss spellings or lack of capitalization, english is not my first language so there might be some.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2010
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry you don't have a relative you can go to. Could you get foster care? (There are good foster homes out there.) Could you talk to a teacher or even call the service agency that runs foster care where you live?

    If that's not possible, I'd stick with trying to stay out of your father's way whenever possible.

    I hope something will work to keep you safe from all dangers - your own impulses or abuse from others.

  6. Gina

    Gina Member

    I don't remember if you said how long it has been since, what you called, your dad terrorized your mom when you went to be with her.
    You have a human right to live with your mom. I don't know what countries you are talking about, but there should be some laws that could keep your dad from causing trouble if you were to go to your mom's. I was asking about how long it has been, because people do change, I'm sure you have changed as you grew up. Even though your dad may not have anything nice to say about your mom, he may no longer have the fight inside of him to challenge you going to live with her. Also, since it is summer break maybe you can convince him you are just going for the summer to see her. Which is also an option. Doing the math, I'd say you are 16. That is a great age to move to a country to be with your mom and have a new experience.
    From the things you have said, it sounds like being with your mom would really help you out. It might be worth finding out a way to make that work. Like I was saying, at 16 you're not the same kid you were, your parents might believe you are old enough to have a say in what you want to do. Please, you owe it to yourself, even if it is hard to believe, to try and find something to work for you to get you through this difficult time. That usually means forcing yourself to do somethings that will result in pushing yourself to something positive.
    (Your English is easy to follow, English is my first and only language and I'm not all that good with it :) )
  7. anonymous93

    anonymous93 New Member

    My father is constanlty phoning up, yelling insults and similar things towards my mother when he is angry at something, i didnt mention how long it had been since then so you did not forget anything.
    And yes, i belive there is laws against this kind of behaviour, thing is that i doubt it would stop him, he is already up to his ears in debt and if he would go to jail/prision (i think there's a difference but i do not know which is which.) for it, i do think he would continue when he gets out, also its not exactly something which would make me any prouder.
    PS: your pic,,, i dont now but i guess i will learn soon
    i am infact going to see her in the summer in a few days, thing is that he does not think i should and is only allowing 9 days there. and since my mother is as afraid of him as i am neither one of us is saying anything against it.
    Your math would be right if u would post tomorrow (according to my countrys time, according to the forums i belive it is in 2 days time from now) but as of now ur one year off.
    and as i think i stated (may have forgotten, but i dont think so) i do not wish to move to another country, since im a patriot and all that i have ever come to love is in my homecountry. that and my mother is having economical problems when living by herself, and with me not speaking the language there it would be hard for me to improve her income.

    overall i belive we are able to close this thread, since my thoughs are mostly gone. I belive it just got to much yesterday when i got dumped, but now after taking some time relaxing and thinking, ive gone from suicidal to depressed, and im hoping ill continue along that road.
    thanks all!
  8. yeh.

    yeh. Well-Known Member

    I hope that you get to feel better and finally comprehend what has happened and what is happening to you right now (so you can take steps for a better future). Cheers.
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