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in need of guidance

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by FrainBart, Feb 9, 2012.

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  1. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    Hello, I'm kind of new to this, by which I mean discussing the feelings ance thoughts. So please be patient with me, as I am a little uncertain.
    I have been a long term sufferer of depression, since the age of about 13 (when I became aware,but the feelings began years before that) I am now 22. It may not sound like a long time, but over those 9 years, the feeling of despair has greatened, to what I feel now. I have been having extreme urges where nothing can remove the ideas in my head. I have struggled for too long, and as each day goes on the thoughts increase, the urges stronger.
    In my head I have everything planned and organised, what i have to do first. What i need to prepare ,
    I shall apologise now, I do not wish to offend anyone.

    I have a daughter and I am in an unloving relationship, which is all adding to my feelings. I fear leaving my partner, due to previousabusive relationship. I feel trapped and the suicidal urges are worsening. Locally I have no one for support and no one to go to.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun your daughter you hold on for her okay don't leave her with such pain hun There is help you go to your doctor the hospital and sign in and get help for your depression it does work hun meds can take aways some of the grey also therapy You need to take care of YOU so your daughter will not be left with sadness and pain Keep talking okay keep reaching out here so many understand hun So young you can get help now perhaps get marriage councilling as well
  3. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    I currently am under community mental health team, but as my boyfriend is so possessive I get no time to speak to my care coordinator, alone. He always answers for me and I can no longer talk to him about my feelings, because he turns it all around and makes me feel worse. I have no support from him, we got evicted because of him, and now staying at his family. Where the urges are getting worse. I've started hurting myself again. I haven't sh in a few years, but now its happening so frequently. Burning, punching walls, and cutting again.
  4. Fredericks

    Fredericks Well-Known Member

    I think you need to get away from him: find some sort of shelter or halfway house for abused women if you don't have family or friends to go to. Take your daughter and get to a place where you'll be safe and have support.
  5. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    I am incapable of leaving him as i know that I will lose my daughter in a custody battle. Unfortunately I know for certain that his parents will push him to do this, due to my severe depression and being unable to provide for her.

    I have tried so hard to do everything she needs, give her everything she wants but its getting so difficult. I've failed my daughter. She needs a family who can provide for her, keep a house over her head. Looking at her hurts me so much knowing that whatever happens I haven't given her the start she needs in life.

    Today has been very trying on the last ounces of strength I have. His parents constantly shouting, him getting agressive over their arguments. I went empty and numb trying to resist the urge of putting the plan in play.
  6. dakotavike

    dakotavike Member

    You will always be your daughters mother, nothing will ever change that but do you want your daughter growing up not knowing her mother? I have seen the effects of suicide on the ones left behind and it lasts a lifetime. I strongly urge you to get away. You have to take care of yourself first. You need to do this for your daughter. You obviously love her very much and she may not understand right now, but she will. Trust me. Please get help!
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