Somehow I have survived the past year. I dont know how, and honestly, I am not sure that I should have. I am so ready to die, and just want to get out from out of my pain. Pain of lonelyness, hopelessness, futureless guilt, no apparent chance of finding a decent woman to settledown with, surrounded with debt that I am choking on, and often working in a job that either doesnt pay me, or makes me work like a dog when I do. I can only pay about half my bills this month, and focusing only on those that I can pay. All I can think about during the day, or crying in my pillow all night is that of the want, desire and almost immediate NEED of suicide! Perhaps the hardest thing is the extreme lonelyness of being in a new town, not knowing anyone, and having no one to talk with. I am writing down a few pages about my life, that maybe someday my nieces and nephews may understand what happened to their uncle. I have no children of my own, and the shear thought of my sucky, and non-existent love life hurts the most of all! I have not even kissed a woman in all my nearly 37 years of life. I cant even remember the one kiss I got from a childhood friend when I was a kid. I think its time for me to leave this world of pain, disappointment and failure! I just dont know how yet to do it, but I am fairly sure that it is in the near future because I do not want to have this pain much longer!