I'm married, and I've gotten permission to write my thesis. All thats standing between me and a job is my requirement to get a publication submitted by August. My boss is reading it, and can take away anything good that my future will hold in a pen swipe. He isn't a nice guy, either. I've become hopeless. All I can think about is how if I jumped in front of the XXXX the pressure would be gone. I'd be free from feeling like the world is on my shoulders and disappointment and ruin is all I give to the people around me. My drinking has gone up a lot. I feel like crying all the time, and I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack. People at work are beginning to see me cracking up under the pressure. I'm driving my spouse crazy with my crushing anxiety and obsessions. Change won't happen in my lifetime. I can't see my way out of my looming disaster.