In Real Crisis

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by mswings57, Jun 20, 2009.

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  1. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    I am in such a crisis I can't see a way out. In the last 3 years I blew over $40,000 of my husbands money on opiate drugs and drug induced shopping sprees and he just found out about it. He gave me a glass of water so I could od on my bi-polar meds. Hes saying he hates me and is probably going to leave me. He says he can never forgive me and I've been with him for 24 years and can't survive on my own. I'm disabled with rheumatid arthritis and fibromyalgia and would have no place to go. Thanks for listening.I'm holding a razorblade in my pocket in case I can't go on. I also have a lot of drug rxs and I had a gun but he took it away from me.
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Gwendolyn I have lived for 58 years. So I know a thing or two. sometimes what someone says in the heat of the moment is not what they will say tomorrow. Please do not do anything to harm yourself more. Sometimes what looks like the biggest crisis, is the beginning of a new life. Please give him, and yourself time. please. There are people here who can help you. they would know more than I. I am new. but I do know that what looks like the end can be the beginning of real life. please please ride the wave of this and see where it leads in terms of healing for you both. please. Someone who can better direct you to help will message,. But I am saying what I feel. What feels like the end is a beginning. please dont give up. because he is in shock and angry. but that wares off in time. I am sending you love and blessings
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2009
  3. kiera

    kiera Member

    I agree with Flowers. This is a bad situation, but him finding out is the worst part. Of course he is going to be angry or hurt etc. The storm will pass, just get through this and things will get better.

    I figure the drugs and spending is caused by depression. Have you spoken of your addictions to anyone?
  4. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    I agree. The damage is done and he will be upset. Let's be realistic, anyone would.

    I agree that it will pass. The only thing you can do to remedy the situation is to get help and be serious about getting help?

    Have you been taking your meds like you're supposed to? Make a plan to take your meds, and seek more counseling.

    Don't do anything drastic.
  5. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    This is some of the best advice I've ever seen on these forums.
  6. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    Thank all of you but this has been the worst weekend of my 52 years. I am withdrawing from opiates in a bad way and my husband is so very angry. I still want to die.
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    It is good to hear from you, even though your pain is so great. Glad you are here posting. Is there any possibility you can get some help while going through the withdrawal? you totally do not desreve to be going through this alone !! Do you have a therapist, or Doctor? I can see why you say this has been the worst weekend in your 52 years. Hey you deserve help with this.

    I understand your husband is angry. But often, given time and help, these things are worked through. Bonds can even become stronger with a more stable foundation than ever. And by the way, I have said things in the heat of fear, hurt or anger that I totally didnt mean. So have many other people. Give it time to cool down. What he says today may be very different from tomorrow, next week or a month from now. Keep coming here for support please. And hopefully you can find medical help where you live.

    Please hear me that this may be a beginning. A beginning that hurts more than anything right now. Things have to fall apart before they get rebuilt.... stronger than ever. Try to keep that possibility in your thoughts. I do keep checking for updates from you Gwendolyn.
  8. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    Opiate withdrawal is not pleasant. I was in lockdown at the mental hospital when I came off them. Keep that option in mind if you're having problems with it.
  9. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    I hope you feel better.

    I would say dying is not the answer...but then i'd be a hypocrite.

    If you ever need anything, I'm here for you.
  10. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    well, I'm still here. I have a great shrink and a good doc but they can't really help with this. I'm on my bipolar meds, because without them I know for sure I'd self destruct worse than I am now. But I'm just so upset about the situation that I feel helpless, rock bottom, not even sure what I should do. I've been cleaning my house a little cuz I've really let it go, but my heart isn't in it. My grandson is the only reason I've not ended it all-he's only 6 months old and really is attached to me. My husband said he won't tell my son-which if true is a relief because my son is also bipolar(untreated by his choice) and has violent spells and owns a lot of guns and would probably kill me(literally). So, thank all of you for the good words and I'll try to hang on a little bit longer and maybe one day I won't feel the way I do know-I hope.
  11. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hey Gwendolyn
    I am glad to hear that you are taking the bi-polar meds. wonderful that you have a grandbaby. Now, there's a reason to hold on. Are you sure that your shrink can't help any with this? Have you called him or her?

    Recovering from drug abuse can start with a monumental crisis, such as the one you are dealing with. aka hitting bottom. But down the road ....... with recovery program such as NA or whatver you may have locally, many people say its the best thing that ever happened to them. Because they could not have reclaimed a life otherwise. One day at a time. I hope you do call your shrink. Gwendolyn. I am glad you are still here. :arms:
  12. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    The problem I have is that I actually am prescribed the pain meds for real pain issues and I'm not even sure when I started abusing them-it just crept up on me. My shrink would help but I don't see her for another 2 months and she doesn't know about any of this cuz I haven't been honest with her. I just go to her and say everythings fine so I can get my bipolar meds. My husband isn't speaking to me and he won't eat when I cook his dinner and he is drinking one beer after another until he passes out every night so we aren't even speaking at this point. I know he's trying to make me suffer but I'm not sure how much more I can take before I break. The tension is so thick when he gets home in the evenings that you can feel it. If it wasn't for my grandson, I don't think I could go on like this. And I can't leave because I have nowhere to go. So, I'm trying to hang on but it isn't getting any easier, and at this point I just don't care about much. I sit here thinking of ways to end this but I'm not even brave enough to carry out a plan. So, I carry on as best as I can.
  13. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hey Gwendolyn
    Glad to hear from you. I cant imagine anyone going through what you describe wihtout a good local support system (in addition to coming here). Is there a basis for not trusting your psychiatrist enough to be honest with her at this point? Maybe a phone call to her? You arent using the rx drug anymore in doses that are extreme. So do you think you could trust her enough to call?

    Another thought, and its just a thought, is a local NA meeting. Narcotics annonymous. Believe me, I am not suggesting this just because of getting off of the high doses of meds, but rather for support with the situation you are living with. For me sometimes its so hard to swallow my pride. But sometimes its worth it. The meeting locator website for NA is

    Or you can call (818) 773-9999 and ask for fellowship services to talk to a person from NA about finding a meeting. Maybe you can tell them a bit of your circumstance, Gwendolyn. I have been to 12 step meetings in the past. theres a lot of support there.

    I looked that info up online, and hope its okay to have put here. As I have said, I am new here.

    I am not suggesting that you replace that with coming here to post. But in addition. In the best of circumstances living with someone who is doing what your husband is doing is very difficult. You deserve local support. As much as you can possibly find. Start with taking just one step to reach out locally. If by chance thats not the one thats right for you, then there will be another step. Just start with one step. I can see by the responses that people here really do care. I know I do.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 23, 2009
  14. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    well, I know where theres an aa/na meeting every day but at this point I don't think my husband is going to give me any money and I don't have gas in my car to get there. Also, my psychiatrist is at the local mental health place and its hard to get an appt. other than the one I have in 2 mos. If he'd talk to me and let me know how we're going to handle finances it would help a lot but at this point I don't know if I'll have money to buy baby formula or diapers or cat food or anything. I'd been handling all of that (very poorly though it was) and now I'm not sure what to do. Its like I'm in limbo right now. I pay all of our bills online and he doesn't even know how to use a computer. He's drunk every evening and totally unresponsive. Its like living in hell(a hell of my own making-I know)
  15. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    your actions are of your making. his reactions are of his own making.

    would you be intersted in calling NA and explaining that you have no way to get to the meeting. find out if there is anyone who can give you a ride? Or call AA? I would guess that some people give others rides. because there are people in AA whose lisence is revoked. Maybe just to make the phone call? Explain your circumstance? Also you are a candidate for Alanon if there is a meeting closer to you. Any support you can get to right now, to start the ball going. if you know what I mean. just to call NA and let them know you have to get to a meeting and dont have a way to get there. would that be possible?
  16. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    It's not solely of your own making, from what I see... there is a breakdown of communication on each side. I agree with flowers... if you call NA, often they'll find someone who can give you a ride each way. Or call your psychiatrist and explain you're in an emergent situation. You could mention you are trying to taper off of opiates and need help right away. That's a medical situation they'd have to deal with sooner than 2 months. To help handle your husband's reactions and his drinking, I recommend Al-Anon. I was going weekly at one point, and it helped a lot with what I was dealing with at the time.
  17. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    maybe I can do that but to be honest I'm not sure. You guys are helping me a lot-just knowing someone cares is keeping me from going over the edge. I know I need help but to get it seems like too much trouble to go to. Maybe I feel like I don't deserve it? I don't know. My brain is going so fast(bi-polar manic episodes) and I can't even think straight.I have my grandson right now and he is keeping me busy and so I'm pretty much feeling normal but when he leaves at 5 I'll go back to worrying this situation to death. I'll try to get to a meeting tom. if I have enough gas but to be honest with you I don't have much faith right now in how much help it would be to go.
  18. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Bluedays is right, I think. I too went to Al-Anon. lots of people who are dealing with addictions go there. Because of a loved one who is an alcoholic. You are living with someone who is full blown drinking now. Maybe if you go there you can find out how to help both of you.

    I know its hard to take an action. But thats the time we have to push ourselves to take the first step. No matter how much we resist. Just try please to make the calls. To the psychiatrist and to NA to Al-Anon.

    If you cant do it for yourself, do it for your grandson. Do it to show your husband that you are really committed to turning this thing around. what do you think??
  19. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    I think he'll say "too little,too late". At this point I don't think he cares one way or the other. But I'll try to get some help in the morning.
  20. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Maybe right now it would be hard to tell whats him ~~~ and whats the alcohol when he talks. And thats not your fault. When I used to go to al-anon they would say that often when we would get help for ourselves, the person who is drinking would often begin to get help also.
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