In so much pain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bellyoush, Jun 19, 2011.

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  1. Bellyoush

    Bellyoush Member

    This is my first post here, I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years, but this last week it intensified to an unbearable level, I'm in so much mental pain, i cant take it anymore, i feel trapped because I can't kill myself, doing that will kill my family. And that is part of the problem, if I knew I had an exit, with no complications, without hurting anyone else, I think it would have been a relief. I know it's weird, but I wish at this moment in time that I did not have such a supportive family because it is a burden, I am no longer living for myself but for others, and it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm barely holding on, living moment by moment. My family knows about my situation, but they're at loss and I'm hurting them so much it's killing me. I don't know how to get better, I was on anti depressant for years, but they no longer work. I don't even believe in god, but I pray for death.. That's how bad it is. I can't find joy in anything, I am utterly hopeless and I just wish i could will myself to die. Can anyone really recover from that? How do you go on living after feeling like this?
     
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Of course you can recover from this. One way I managed to start recovering was by identifying the cause of these feelings. I mean what was the first thing that sent you into this spiral? Then I aimed to figure out how to prevent or fix that thing. I am more than willing to help you figure out how to combat this if you would like.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun i know the feeling living for others You care so much for them The think is hun there is new antidepressants now less side effects phone your gp okay ask to try them i am on wellbutrin xr extended release and it has been help some. Also therapy get to whatever it is that is causing the sadness if it chemical unbalance then the newer antidepressants will help. You donot have to be alone now with this okay. You can talk here anytime others can so relate to what you have said . Hugs to you please know you can pm me anytime you need someone to listen or to talk to hugs.
     
  4. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello Bellyoush,

    Of course you can and will recover from this depression, you just need some time and some patience.

    Having a supportive family i am sure also helps you a lot, you have someone who knows and understands your situation - its understandable that they can't help - other than the medication are you going to a psychologist?

    I am understanding that you are feeling guilty for your family because they care about you - its understandable and normal for your family to care about you, they want you to be happy again and so do I, i want you to be happy again.

    Suicide is not something that we choose; suicidal thoughts is caused by what happened, the important thing to remember is that whatever happened it can be dealt with. It might sound easy to say and difficult to get it done, I understand this feeling but believe me it's not as hard as you think it is.
    Suicide is not the solution, you may think that by suiciding you will be relieved from pain, relief is a feeling and you need to be alive in order to be able to feel. You will not feel this relief once you take your life.
     
  5. Bellyoush

    Bellyoush Member

    This whole year I've been floating about, not really feeling anything but a vague, not serious feeling of wanting to die. But it changed a couple of months ago when I started feeling really sick and had really bad stomach pains, it took my doctors months to find out what's wrong(and I'm currently getting treatment for it, and it makes me feel like crap physically) and throughout all this time, there was just pain, pain, pain, and it just made me lose interest in everything... and now I can't seem to get it back, at least before, I had some hope, there were things that made me smile, but these last two days, I feel like I'm dying on the inside, I don't have a single positive thought, it's just darkness, darkness, darkness. I know my issues, I've been to therapy for years, but I feel powerless to change anything.
     
  6. Bellyoush

    Bellyoush Member

    I've tried many anti depressants, there was only one thing that worked and it stopped helping a couple of months ago, I promised my mom I would go to a psychiatrist next week,.I haven't decided if I will keep that promise, but thank you for your suggestion, I've never heard of this drug, so it helps to know there are new stuff out there, I would definitely google it. How much did it take for you to work? Is it one of those drugs that makes you feel worse at first?
     
  7. Bellyoush

    Bellyoush Member

    All of their worrying is making me feel worse, because they know they might lose me, and they let me know what it would do to them, I am still alive for that reason and that reason alone. I just want this feeling to go away, I don't want to feel like I want to die, but I can't control it.
     
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Why do you feel powerless to change them?
     
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No i have had no side effect with this med at all and when you need to come off it has little withdrawal effects as well I take lowest dose right now which is 150mg it works on dopamine levels in the brain no nausea at all no sideeffect to speak of. I hope you give it a try
     
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