This is my first post here, I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years, but this last week it intensified to an unbearable level, I'm in so much mental pain, i cant take it anymore, i feel trapped because I can't kill myself, doing that will kill my family. And that is part of the problem, if I knew I had an exit, with no complications, without hurting anyone else, I think it would have been a relief. I know it's weird, but I wish at this moment in time that I did not have such a supportive family because it is a burden, I am no longer living for myself but for others, and it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm barely holding on, living moment by moment. My family knows about my situation, but they're at loss and I'm hurting them so much it's killing me. I don't know how to get better, I was on anti depressant for years, but they no longer work. I don't even believe in god, but I pray for death.. That's how bad it is. I can't find joy in anything, I am utterly hopeless and I just wish i could will myself to die. Can anyone really recover from that? How do you go on living after feeling like this?