in tears right now

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by crookxshanks, Feb 18, 2009.

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  1. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i cant do it.. i cant do it.. i cant deal with it

    why did he kill me that night. take away all that is my life

    i cant deal with it. why wont it just go away

    i dont want to confront it. i shouldnt have started doing it :blub:
  2. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Are you having therapy to help you confront it, this can be unbearably painful but you will come out the other side, please lean on us for support.

    :hug: Hazel
  3. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    have started talking about it in therapy. but only outskirting it. find it hard to talk to people who dont understand the emotions and feelings. i clam up to those people
  4. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Just take your time, hopefully your therapist is empathetic, although I had great difficulty in opening up to my therapist (or anyone) about the traumatic effect in my life (not rape) when I eventually did it has helped me so much.
    I am here if you ever want to talk. :hug:
  5. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Babes :hug:

    Take your time with therapy, baby steps is all you need just now, don't push yourself too far.

    It's hard opening up to some people, especially ones you don't know, but they are there to help you hunny.

    I know it's a cliche, but as Hazel said, you will come out the other side :hug:, we'll make sure of that..I'll make sure of that.

    Don't let them win hun.

    lots of love Claire xx
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Like Hazel and Claire said, don't pressure yourself. What you're feeling is so understandable and there's all the time in the world okay?

    What you've just been doing are huge huge steps and if you feel you can't do something you can say to your therapist you don't feel like talking about it.

    :hug: it sounds horrible and petrifying and I can't really imagine what you're going through but I know you've gone through a rough couple of weeks and I'll be thinking of you.
  7. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    its so stupid and pathetic to be terrified of a word in the english language. so much so that i cant even bring myself to think it let alone say it. therapist thinks that until i can do that they dont think ill be able to deal with it :blub:
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I think your therapist might have her priorities wrong. It's a word, and the fact that it upsets you so much shows how much you hurt and how much the word is unsafe for you. Maybe you could let her know, that the word isn't only a word for you, it's an action, and that saying it might be too dangerous and not necessarily mean you'll be on the path of healing.

    That's just my opinion. I get along with therapists who are a lot more lateral thinking, and also very intuitive/can listen closely to what you're showing subliminally, when it comes to expressing trauma, and there's a lot more ways of doing that than forcing someone to say a word when the person is obviously not ready, with some kind of notion that saying a word, or pushing that person to 'open up' will be helpful.

    You're not pathetic. You're suffering from something very understandable.
  9. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hey hun,

    It's a catch 22 situation. I was abused years ago & never spoke about it. That has contributed partly to how I am today. I have been in therapy for almost 2 years now & we are only just getting to discuss the abuse. My therapist has said that I have not been strong enough to cope with it & even now she is unsure. She realises that it's an important thing to explore but at the same time she doesn't want me becoming any more vunerable & a risk to myself.

    Like you, I was scared to think these things let alone say them out loud. I figured once I'd been able to say 'yup I've been abused' then that would be me, but there is still a lot of work for me to do.

    I know you're scared babe but we can't change the past & as heartbreaking as it sounds, talking about this will not take away the fact that it happened. I always thought talking about it would make it 'more real' if you know what I mean but my therapist pointed out that it is real & not talking or thinking about it was not healthy & just making me worse. I spent a good few years in denial about everything.

    I'm not going to lie & say if you open up then everything will be magically better, sometimes you get a whole lot worse before you can get better but we all want to help & see you happier.

    Lots of love, Claire xx
  10. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    sorry this happened to you Mand. I wish I could make everything good and happy for you, you know I care and want to help i'm just not doing too well right now, so I'n not much use.
    Pm if you want to talk,
    love ya,
    Lea :hug:
  11. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Don't rush yourself, hun.


    It takes a bit of time. Nothing has been as painful for me as confronting what happened. It still takes an effort to visit this sub-forum. There are many posts on here I can't respond to. It takes time and support.

  12. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    It takes what seems like forever....But you have to be in charge - you know what you can take and it isn't a contest of speed.

    I was in therapy for almost two years before i could write of just some of the abuses - I couldn't and still can't talk about it so I keep a journal and show that to my therapist. It hurts to just say or write the words... but one day you feel a little better and notice something good again if only for a moment...hopefully the moments get longer.

    I'm still in the middle at almost three years; but the only choice is to keep movin through it. Hang in there - I'm sorry it hurts so bad. Lean on your friends - talk it out, write it out, cry it out, get angry, get better.....
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