Hi. I'm not too good at flat out expressing my problems. I usually ramble a lot, trying to make a point. Forgive me if I get off track, nasty habit. Anyway, I'm 19. 20 in February. I graduated in 2013 and literally the day after I walked across the stage I moved out of my parents house and went to college. I am 100% not the brightest and took a course I couldn't handle. So I moved back home, applied elsewhere and moved again. I am now in college #2 and I have realized I am not college material. Drop out you might say? 10k+ student loan debt (not that much compared to universities but still) Where I'm living now, jobs are scarce and I have $570 rent each month, not to mention food and payment on my loan if I drop out again. Once again, I am in over my head. Money is now a major issue and I don't want to move back home. Guys, I wake up everyday and dread the thought of class. I was sick for the past week and am so far behind its killing me. I can't grasp the work and I can't make it through year 1 let alone year 2. I hate myself, I hate what i've done, I hate almost every choice I have made. To put this out there, I have a lucky friendship with my parents. I get along very well and call them everyday. That bridge isn't burned. I feel alone, I feel left behind, and worst of all I feel like I can't fix this. I am not cut out for college and it hurts my pride to admit it. I talked it up so much, I made it such a big deal. I have an anxiety problem to point of not wanting to leave my apartment, I can't even wear a headset and talk to random people on xbox live because I fear contact with people I don't know. Thats how bad this has become. I'm lost and never got that promised Life Class in high school. I don't know what I'm doing and my parents really aren't getting it. They try and help and tell me everything is okay but its NOT. I don't want to be where I am, I WANT a job, but I can't deal with the public. Its getting to the point where I would tough it out if a job became available but I live in such a small town that there are literally NO jobs. The only thing keeping me alive is my student loan, which would disappear if I did whats right and dropped out. I went through this last year but I had an awesome roommate who is my only friend at the moment, who basically kept my head up. I don't want to burden him with my problems because he has so many of his own. He looks to me for advice, I can't just flip it and ask him. He'd lose his trusted listener and support, at least thats how I see it. I guess what I'm really trying to ask is, how do I fix this? I'm too young and immature to cope with life and maybe a reset would be easiest? I sit in my bed and think about how easy it would be to slide a blade across my wrists and slowly drift away. Free of all my problems, free of the humiliation. The only thing keeping me from doing it is, well, humiliation. That would destroy my mother. See, even if I'm at peace, someone else is pissed off. Now that we have that out of the way, I need help. If anyone has been in this position and can give me some words of encouragement that would be great. I just need to get out of school and be able to support myself long enough to work out a job and wake up to a brighter tomorrow. And yes, suicide is a cop out and this whole thing is an easy fix but I'm not seeing it and its turning me into a coward. This whole thing is probably a walk in the park for some people but for me, its slowly killing me.