In Trouble Again...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Amanda, Dec 21, 2014.

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  1. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    So I was doing good for a while. I stopped even coming to SuicideForum, I was getting clean and sober and everything seemed like it was going good and then the shittyness hit me like a ton of bricks. And it hasnt left.

    On Sunday night the RCMP came to my house after I called the crisis line, got frustrated and hung up on them. I was kept in the hospital overnight, and then on Wednesday evening my family got worried about me and took me to the hospital again.

    Prior to that I had gone 5 months and 10 days without a hospital visit or a visit from the police.

    I am still going to AA, NA, and CA meetings for my drug and alcohol problems and I am still clean and sober but I dont know how long I can keep my shit together for, I really just want to hurt myself.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Staying clean and sober through that is amazing accomplishment and why I believe you will have the strength to get back on top again. I am soory was so hard the last few days but now you knw "better" is real so you can use that knowledge as a map to get to a better place again,

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Amanda hold on ok You can beat this shitty feeling you can You keep talking here reaching out to your supports and you will get some stability back
    Good for you staying clean for so long hugs
  4. stapleremover

    stapleremover Chat Buddy

    Hugs to you, Yael. You should be proud of yourself for being clean and sober, that's wonderful!!

    Sorry you're feeling shitty, though. Please consider coming around here and especially to chat even when you're feeling's so helpful to be around people who can relate to the mental issues. You know my opinion about 12-step programs so I won't argue with you if those meetings are helpful to you, but do consider the possibility that the focus they put on your 'flaws' and 'character defects' might not be the healthiest thing for you mentally.

    Feel free to PM me here or on FB any time, okay? I'm sending you the happiest and healthiest thoughts imaginable.

  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello Amanda, I have missed you so much. Congratulations on staying sober, that is an amazing achievement, I had wondered where you were! Sorry to hear about the bother you got into, it is in the past now, it's over and you are still clean so go you!!! We're always here for you :hug:
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Besides those meetings do you have regular Therapy session ?
  7. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    No I dont. When I went to the hospital a week ago they said I would be contacted forthwith to set up appointments with a case worker and an addictions therapist but I have yet to hear anything. Hopefully after Christmas.
  8. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i think you are doing great. keep it up.
  9. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Im not doing great. I had a slip on Monday. I ate 3 Ativan that werent prescribed to me so my clean & sober count has to start all over again. I felt so bad about it I was gonna kill myself and ended up going back into the hospital and they kept me until the 24th after much begging they let me out. Im starting to think letting me out wasnt such a hot idea but Im here now so I guess it is what it is. Back to 3 days clean and sober.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    When you fall off the horse you get back on, you're into day 4 of being sober again and that is all you should focus on, that is great :) It's nice to see you around too. It can be a very trying time trying to abstain from drugs/alcohol, you have come a long way since I first met you, I have faith in you that you can do this. Here if you need me hun x
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 26, 2014
  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Hope they get the Therapy sessions rolling for you to give you the support you need.

    Keep it up being clean.
  12. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I just got out of the psych ward today. I was admitted on Friday and stayed till I signed myself out AMA this afternoon after lunch. I remembered why I hate the psych ward. Im so happy to not be there anymore. I think Im gonna go to more AA meetings and work my program and just do better, cause I dont want to go back.
  13. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Maybe it can motivate you to keep focused on self improvement and getting your life in order.
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey Amanda,

    It is nice to see you on, I am sorry to hear this stay did not help you but I'd urge you to keep going to the AA meetings, I know you have potential and you can do this, you're a brave courageous woman. Good luck my friend :)
  15. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Amanda, you have done well. Yes, you have your up and down days but keep hanging in there. You have done well so do not be hard on yourself. Keep posting for support. Take care.
  16. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Glad I didnt kill myself today... Found out I was accepted at the University of British Columbia for September.
  17. MisterBGone


  18. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

  19. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Im 2 weeks clean and sober as of today.
  20. MisterBGone


    Excellent work! Great job. Keep going...
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