in way over my head

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by yeahmayb, Dec 28, 2007.

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  1. yeahmayb

    yeahmayb Antiquitie's Friend

    it seems, that the harder i try, the harder i push to do the right thing, the worse the situation ends.

    i have pushed and pushed myself until i can't anymore. i pushed it all aside and just tried to be there for my mate, and i have now screwed that up beyond repair.

    my health is a total wreck. that doesn't matter, hell at this point, i would be far far better off just walking away from it all. the kids are gone, and would be taken care of. i just have but the mate to deal with. with the post-op medication the mate is on, there would be noone to notice anything until it would be irrepairable, expecially since i am reacting allergically to a new medication.

    everything i touch turns to crap instantly. i go to therapy, the mate goes yesterday, i really needed to vent, and it ends up in their venting on me, and i was so overwhelmed, i have no desire to even attempt to go back.

    i cant see any light at the end of the tunnel anymore, the tunnel has grown far longer than i ever imagined possible, there is no hint of light left...

    i know i am in over my head when the cold and the darkness are far more welcoming than the warmth ---of course that warmth always results with knives in your back.

    happiness is a sadistic insult to those of us who dont have everything handed to us---those of us who have to do it alone, are expected to forget and pretend that all is ok, and that we need to just look at the lighter side of things....what a joke

    just let it fade away
  2. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling of the tunnel being too long way too well.
    Do you think things with your friend can be sorted out in time? Sorry to hear your therapy session didn't go well. Has it helped in the past, or is this the norm?
    And as far as happiness goes, its not just handed to anyone. Everyone has their struggles, and everyone's struggles are huge to them, no matter how trivial they may look to outsiders. We're all fighting our own battles. And yeah, some people do have it better than others. Some people luck out and can get all the help and support they need. But it doesn't mean they aren't still fighting.
    Best wishes.
  3. yeahmayb

    yeahmayb Antiquitie's Friend

    well, therapy helped some years ago, just I wasn't able to stay living in that area long enough to more or less "finish up". After I moved, I screwed up and listened to another therapist who suggested REMT which ummm was a disaster. I have been dealing with those memories and struggles ever since. Some doors are far off better being shut. This therapist may have been ok, but ummm there never seems to be enough time.

    I have no clue if things will ever get sorted out with my friend. It seems everytime i open my mouth at the moment, things manage to get worse. I love with all my heart, but that is not enough. I do what I'm asked to promise to do, and after that is done, then I get screamed at for doing exactly that. I know alot of it is the grief we all are suffering, but still we ALL are going through it, i can't remain the verbal punching bag.

    I just wish it all away...ugh

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