in which I complain far too much

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by expendableem, Apr 26, 2015.

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  1. expendableem

    expendableem Member

    I just feel so hopeless these days... like if I can't even get through simple high school classes or work without feeling too tired or unmotivated how the hell can I hope to make it through college in the fall? I can't even socialize with my best friends without feeling like it's too hard and feeling like a burden on them. How can I expect to have a good future like this?

    And my family.... they are exhausting... everyone's always fighting and my mother is just ridiculously cruel. I'm so tired of being made to feel bad for being born. Like I chose it or something. I just want her to stop and I don't want to be afraid to go home. I want to go home and not be walking on eggshells.

    I hate my job; everyone treats me like I'm stupid. I'm not. I'm really not. I'm an honor student-- I'm actually surprisingly smart.

    I hate school and having to deal with my classmates and teachers and homework and the whole system is just designed to make kids fail and it's just pointless.

    Everything is pointless. I just want this to stop.
  2. Corey1221

    Corey1221 Active Member

    College is going to be much different. Like I told one of the other members on here, it's getting 2nd chances with new friends or experiences. More people have cars which means going out to do fun things more often. Nobody knows you or your problems. If you feel like you're burdensome to your friends now, you get to begin new in college. There's usually plenty of group events or clubs to join.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello, thanks for sharing your story with us. Sure school is hard but as you said you are an honours student so you have a bright and exciting future ahead. I only have a little experience with college (left after 2 months) but I can tell you it's totally different to highschool. It is much more mature.

    I am sorry your mum is the way she is, my mom isn't exactly a saint either but as they say....rise above it. You can get through this trying time.
  4. expendableem

    expendableem Member

    I've tried going to college in the past for the joint enrollment program at my high school, but it went very badly; my depression had started to come back at the time after I'd been improving and I failed the class because I simply could not bring myself to get out of bed and do the work or attend the classes. I am scared that I will do that again this coming semester. I can't afford to fail or I'll lose what little financial aid I get and if I lose that, college is over for me. I've always dreamt big, perhaps a mistake on my part, because I think that if my career goals fall through, that will be the end for me for sure. Maybe it's ridiculous, but I'm really just living for dreams at this point because there is no other way out of my shitty situation at home.
  5. ScarlettHurts1990

    ScarlettHurts1990 Active Member

    Yes, college will be way better than what you are experiencing now! I loathed high school and also felt like I was a burden to my friends, but once I moved away it was a whole new beginning for me- new friends, new relationships, classes that actually motivated and excited me, and a new place where no one knew I was crazy and I could begin again. You will see, with your smarts and big dreams college is going to be a completely new endeavor for you- one that you will love so keep plowing through until then! Better days are coming!
  6. expendableem

    expendableem Member

    See, I'm not going away or going to meet anyone new. I already live in a college town and I can't afford to move away for college so I'm staying home with my parents and most of my friends.
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