dont know where to start, dont know what to say. i thought id left all this behind me, i thought i was moving forward at a significant pace, and i was.. and yep, as Roald dahl would say, fate waits for me behind every corner with a sock full of wet sand... lost my baby, lost my sense of reasoning, lost my will to live. im not suicidal, im not attemting, i suppose thats something to be grateful for... but even if im not dying, im not living either, am i. dont want to eat, dont want to move. dont want to do anything but sit in the yard and stare at my little patch of sky. none of my friends know, i cant tell them either. and anyway theyre all busy studying for our final exams' phase one, which starts on the 1st. thats what i was supposed to do in these holidays, like the other normal girls, instead of trying to bleed to death. dont know what to do. this sense of lethargy and unresponsiveness is all consuming. cant let my fiance see me this way because he already blames himself for my condition, i cant see him burdened more.. how nice would it be if i just dide in my sleep? would just save me the day to day torture... would save so many people an explanation... staring at the sky is something, but staring at the blank exam paper next week will be another disaster... dont know, i just dont know.. i dont even know why i wrote this.. sorry for wasting your time..