Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, May 8, 2012.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I am inane.

    So sad, but many are.

    Feel like I don't belong, but others do too.

    In one way I hope tomorrow is bad news, then that'll be my answer.

    God forgive me, for those who have fought to live and fought so hard.

    Unable to vocalize or even describe feelings, nevermind actually being aware of whats going on with me.

    I know this is a bad place I'm in, but how to change today/tonight? or tomorrow or next week or next month?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sad to read this...and yes, I hope things change for you deserve goodness
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You do deserve goodness, and I hope things get better for you. :hug:
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    No reason for sadness, Sadeyes and no goodness is due, Sadeyes & Wildcherry.

    Am tired of this shit.

    Why go through this for other peoples sake? What am I scared of? Failing??
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :arms: :console: Mo
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Yeah, don't worry. On the alcohol now, so all will be just fine. Maybe I'll do something productive.
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    what has been productive is me realizing I am just not worth the gift of life. I have squandered and wasted so much of it. Struggled through a lot and why? Am extremely selfish. Am full of this victim mentality and woe-is-me shit. I mean, seriously - why would anyone fucking bother with me? It is clear tonight that I deserved to be abused, raped, abused again, controlled, manipulated. Fuck it - someone needs to control me because obviously I cannot do it myself. I wish she were here, this hurts more than any of the crap I've experienced. But yeah, definitely squandered my time. Not deserving. And obviously at this stage a bit of a mess. So yeah, watch out folks. One crazy bitch is on the loose. And I'm not joking.
  8. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You are not full of victim mentality, you are a strong person brought low by grief and a long period of caring under difficult circumstances.
    Why would anyone not want an intelligent hard-working supportive funny woman with an interesting accent in their life?

    And it's OK to be in a mess, as long as you realise that you will come out of the other side.
  9. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Mo, i just read this. Cant say I am surprised to read that you are feeling all of this. I know that you never deserved anything bad. I cannot imagine the depths of grief and pain you are in. I would not wish it on anyone. Not anyone anywhere. ever.
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I thought you meant me for a minute Mo!

    jokes aside Mo I can hear your pain!
    you are just as worthy as the rest of us here on this planet
    I know you miss your 'one' and this grief is tough.

    I hope you're finding some peace on your 'break'
    here if you need me :hug:
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