Incapable

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by BelovedDreamer, Oct 7, 2006.

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  1. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I feel like I’m unraveling
    Everything within and without me
    is falling to bits
    So frail without a future.
    Sometimes there is nothing you can do.
    But have I done everything I could?
    Have I done anything?
    Or just run in circles
    chasing my tail?
    I can’t control my hands
    These hands which wound and bend me
    Which thrust inside my pockets
    When I try to wave
    Try to grasp
    At people, at straws.
    Which skew my words
    And tie my tongue
    And meld my lips
    And bind my heart so it cannot speak
    The terrible things I have told it.
    Somehow everything is come formless
    Graceless and the opposite of eternal
    And nothing I can do
    And nothing I can say
    Seems able to change its shape
    Or give it form
    Or even change a mind.
    To attempt is useless
    And faith is surreal
    And every single minute and momentous interaction
    Is pointless
    And doomed to find an end
    Buried to its hilt in disappointment.
    Maybe I ask too much.
    Maybe I love too soon
    And surely I feel too intensely
    With little thought to reality
    Or consequence.
    So maybe I should choose to give up
    Choose to give in.
    Choose to give only what I can spare
    Excise the nature that destroys and confounds me
    Purge the memories that control and enfold me
    Loosen my grip on the reality
    That only serves to best and befuddle my quaking mind.
    I can see no way to win
    and no reason to try.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 7, 2006
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dearly Beloved;

    I understand your feelings and the demons that so devastate you.:sad: I am so sorry that you feel so badly - especially about yourself. I realize I can't change anything: not circumstances or people or attitudes or behaviors - and that frustrates me to no end.:mad: From reading your poetry I find you to be a lovely intelligent creative and loving person. Would that another could find you so and love you for yourself.:smile: Would that YOU could love yourself unreservedly as well.:smile: :smile: I only wish and hope that you do not do anything to harm yourself, no matter how bad things may seem. I would be inexpressibly sad if you were not here, or had hurt yourself.:sad: Please take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time and always keep a little hope in the corner of your heart and soul. You're worth it!:smile: :smile: :smile:

    love,

    least
     
  3. *EACH* line leaves me dumbstruck, hitting me 'where I live' Beloved. I feel what you feel, as clearly as if I were looking into a mirror - it's uncanny. And sad, for you, and for all who share these feelings, though so very well expressed. Most powerful...

    FAL1
     
  4. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    I sometimes realise
    that it's not precisely death that I want
    If anyone can truly be said to
    want death
    such as it is.
    What I want
    above and beyond
    the strictures reality suits me with
    is to deaden the parts of me
    that leave me open to destructive pain
    that make me fit so badly into this
    callous world
    into this
    brilliant world
    with its hapless shape
    I would mourn them
    miss them
    those tactile pieces
    those vivid silences
    those square peg round hole
    anxious
    violent, vibrant fibrous pieces
    the rough textured
    silk skinned
    thin skinned
    makings of this whole.
    They are the things
    the push and pull tumble of self and other
    that spills writing out of me
    like blood from a stone.
    But they burn me out so fast
    cut me to the quick
    and use me to bare bone.
    They force me where I would not walk
    to where I walk alone.
     
  5. No less than the rest of your words, but this;

    "They force me where I would not walk
    to where I walk alone."

    is just berloody ahmazing,

    Helluva a journey, wot?

    I love your work (and it IS work - a labour of love) (I'm tired - how 'bout you?)


    (g'nite)
    FAL1
     
  6. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    exhausted

    (peace)
     
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