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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by An Ode To Misanthropy, May 18, 2015.

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  1. Hello, I am unsure as to the whereabouts, whereby i should post this, I am however, certain, that it need, be posted now. I shall present you, with a brief synopsis of my life, and the ways in which, i have been constrained, into the want and longing, to see it ended. I'd always fancied myself, a most blessed individual, that by purport, i had indulged, to such extent, that from a very early age, i had brought about, many an irreversible psychosis. Thus I had forever, concealed who I was, manipulating people, whenever i would choose. I did this, for I had lost faith in the world early on, age 7 to be exact. I would observe the awful treatment, my "uncool" best friend, would endure, I would look on, as I being "attractive" had been treated better, than those more deserving, etc etc. The first years of my schooling, i had attended an impoverished school, that opened my eyes, to many of the atrocities facing, impoverished youth. I must be said however, that at age 7 , i still held hope dear, whilst at age 12, i gave up on the world completely. the years prior to that decision, i persisted arduously, within my attempts, being a good person, being a good kid. I remember crying under the covers, each night, due to the disappointment, that people had within me, suffocated. When i had made that verbal decision, to give up on the world, I had unknowingly forsaken all happiness. at age 16, I could no longer withstand the world and thus took to isolation, abandoning all friends and family as i did. For five years since then, i had spent each day alone, honing my crafts and always learning. im 21 now and i have, for no more longer, than a few months returned to the world. And what i have found, is that i hate people even more than i had as a child. They all seem much worse, now as an adult. I have lost all ability to function as a social being, I am indeed without regular cognitive functions, I have attained an impersonality, as well do i only have memories of child hood. In all honesty, the sole reason, as to why i had re-entered the world, is loneliness, i long for the loving embrace of woman, were such an embrace to exist, but lo i am incapable of plateauing unto such fortune. I cannot trod on, any further, I am without mere capability, to foresee even the slightest illumination of hope, somewhere over yonder in the distant future. At 21, my entire life, has been suffering and i simply cannot keep going, though i fear, what awaits me on the other side, I cannot suffer any longer. Though i had mentioned hopelessness prior, I would gladly accept the arms of a loving girl, whom may so generously attempt, to save me. What a grand fantasy. In 5 years, I am ending my life. though I am on this site now, for I feel as though I can no longer, wait for said 5 years. I only seem to able to find peace, when i am sleeping. Im not sure what I am asking of you all, but please, I need to speak with someone, anyone, please...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HOpe it is hard one to find i get that Some days the light just does not shine You are 21 still have time to reach out for help to support you to guide you out of those thoughts you have. Depression takes everything away if you let it so don't let it ok
    Do all you can NOW while you are young to change the path you are on Loneliness ya it is a killer so glad you came here you are talking here Keep talking ok don't stay alone with all those thoughts of yours
  3. BelovedChaos

    BelovedChaos Member

    I too know how it feels to lock yourself away from reality, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, because everybody's situation is different, but I know what it feels like to close yourself off from society. I share your contempt with humanity, people are ruthless and it is hard to live by societies standards. Everyone called me "Agoraphobic" because I gave up on life and stayed at home for three years, I didn't talk to anyone, i didnt (Still dont) trust anyone. But I have found a few supportive friends. It took me a long time to realize that I actually had that in my life. It is hard to see the hope in anything, and i understand that, but it is there. I am not religious but I find comfort in the phrase "Have faith in a mustard seed" because i know now that even a tiny glimmer of hope can keep you going. I dont expect you to see it, but just know it is there. I also know how it feels to be lonely. I have severe social anxiety and find myself very lonely most days. It's hard. I'm 18 and have always had a hard time with relationships due to trust and anxiety issues.

    Please feel free to PM me if there is anything you need. Even if you just need to vent to someone who won't judge. I check my account daily, and I would be delighted to hear your story. :)
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