i am so tired. i have nothing and no one. i live in pain every day and there is no up, nothing to look forward to; only more of the same. i am bedbound and a burden. for years i have tried to stay positive, to fight off this overwhelming need to end this. body broken, dreams destroyed, left alone to rot there is no point in any of this. the only thing that stays my hand is fear of failing again and suffering through what i experienced last time i tried to kill myself. i was in ecu in coma for over a month and had to learn everything over again, even to eat. i don't want a painful death, just to not wake up. i want to fly again, to escape this hell that is my life. i have nothing left to lose except this ever pervading sorrow and the pain that is my world now.