Increase in suicidality when things get objectively better?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lisa83, Jan 21, 2016.

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  1. Lisa83

    Lisa83 Member

    anyone start feeling worse when things get objectively better? It appears that I might have two job offers. One is waiting on some paperwork before becoming an actual offer and the other is an offer already. Objectively this is indicia of hope. So I should be feeling better. But I feel worse. All I can see is the myriad of things that could go wrong. And I feel paralyzed and unable to choose between the two options. I feel like everything is just going to blow up in my face and I cant take it. I feel more suicidal now than I was before. My counselor even suggested going to the hospital, which I definitely do not want to do.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sadly, it is sometimes harder when things get better. It is scary when the thought process a person has clung to - "that things will never get better and there is nothing they can do about it" is proven completely wrong and suddenly the person needs to accept responsibility for good or bad of the upcoming days. The temptation to self destruct simply to alleviate self of that responsibility can be very strong but if you can manage to simply move forward with the positive change and then accept that sometimes things will be good and sometimes bad and sometimes good decisions and sometimes bad, but even if bad they can be changed - then you will actually have a chance to experience success and happiness. Please embrace it and not let the self destruct kick in just so you can avoid responsibility and claim that there is no hope because that is a more normal or comfortable place in your mind..... It is not intentional, it is just the way depression tries to lie to you and make a last ditch attempt to stay in control....
     
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  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    @Lisa83

    I quite often suffer with this when things are on the up and the depression lifts because I am just sat around waiting for things to go wrong. I get anxious about the "what ifs" and the worst case scenarios. When things are okay and getting better it can be scary because it can take us out of our comfort zone. We are used to feeling depressed and things being terrible, we can't be any more disappointed when things go wrong because we are already depressed and we can accept this. But when things get better, the stakes are higher. We want to keep things that way which can be stressful and we overthink everything that can go wrong which can become stressful in itself and make us feel depressed again. It can be a vicious circle.

    The best piece of advice I can give you is ride through it and stick with it. Things will feel overwhelming for a while and you may feel crappy but if you stick with it and work through it, things will eventually get better as you collect evidence that things will not be terrible and things won't go wrong. It is hard, but you can work through it :)
     
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  4. Lisa83

    Lisa83 Member

    Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it. :)
     
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *offers a hug*

    It happens to me, always... And it becomes a vicious circle. I get so damn scared something will go wrong, because that's usually what happens. (mummy even used it as a strategy to raise me, destroy things that made me happy etc.). If really good things happen I always search for the bad in it, before it comes to find me... and that way I ruin my own chance of happiness. It becomes a self-filling prophecy.

    I am unemployed at the moment, and while it's hard to find jobs I can do with my sick back and hip I actually haven't applied for jobs... I am dirt poor, as in I can barely afford to eat... but I am so scared of just what you're describing... that I get a job and I freak out and become suicidal and self harming again.
    They found me an unpaid placement, but I haven't heard from them if it's going through or not... and I hope it doesn't. I don't feel ready. And I know my poor boyfriend will have to bear the brunt of it when I freak out.

    So no, you're not alone.
    But I wish you all the best of luck with everything. Take good care of yourself, and don't be afraid to reach out for help when you feel things get bad for you.
    On the contrary of what you feel, it's okay to be happy and to live a good life.
     
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